Just Joking

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles, My next pooo could spell disaster....... Went out last night and got really wasted, I woke up this morning next to a large old bird who was snoring and farting....so, at least I managed to get home OK!... The wife's back on the warpath again. She was u...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Joe says to Paddy : "Close your curtains ta next time ya makin love to your wife Paddy the whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well ta jokes on them cos I wasn't even at home yesterday.".... Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing n...

iana · iana

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a "Hole in one" !!!!!

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Husband buys his son an iPAD, daughter an iPOD, himself an iPHONE and his wife an iRON. She wasn't impressed even when he explained it can be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK, and iCLEAN network. This triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out the iSHAG function...... Hoo Roo.

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A little old lady enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it with white knuckles for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo youuuuu have dilllldoooos?...

Possum3 · Possum3

Ever imagine what it would be like if your pets had diaries? What would your favorite animal friend write about their day, about their life, about you? Dog Diary; 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A Geordie golfer and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The Geordie said to the dentist, "Doc I'm in one hell of a hurry." "I have two mates sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

<With the cooler weather I will be going out gold prospecting again and stop entertaining myself, and possibly boring you,.. in this section>.... A bloke goes into the Confessional Box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided one had to leave, Because otherwise they were all going to fall. They didn't have much time to waste, and weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave...

Lesley F · Lesley F

'Dear Tony Abbott,firstly, may I say thank you. Thank you so much.Finally, someone with some vision and ability and leadership to take over the portfolio for women.'For too long it's simply been women taking care of other women, and you know women can't take care of other women because we all know wo...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

While stitching a cut hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working his cattle, the local Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Politicians <as it invariably does these days>...and their role as leaders. The o...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Old Mr. Geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside thatsaid: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know...

June · June

A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when the baby was born: 'I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son' The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: 'I don't mean to be rude either but this is a fanny, not a f...ing photo copier' June C.

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

This is an oldie however I never fail to laugh when I tell it to myself on my own round the prospecting camp fire... A burnt out advertising executive decides he has had enough of the rat race and buys a property wayyy out west..No electricity..no phones..no company. He has read everything he can, an...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A man and his wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a long passionate open mouthed kiss, and says to him, "I'll see you later dear" "And who the hell was that floozy?" says the wife. Tha...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish gentleman who had been going to the Western Wall to pray for a very long long time.. So she went to check it out. She went to The Western Wall and sure enough there he was, walking slowly up to the 'Holy Site'. She watched him pray and after about 45 minute...

Lesley F · Lesley F

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiEycVMKoJo

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Breeding Bulls...................... My wife and I went to the Bathurst District Agricultural Show, and one of the first Exhibits we stopped at was the Breeding Bulls Section, We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached in front of a very muscular Bull that read THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

...an oldie but always worth another visit for us old chauvinistic Grey Nomads..... O..K. HONEY! WE'RE HERE! I SAID I WAS SORRY! I REALLY DO LIKE YOUR MOTHER! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW DEAREST.....whispers....mind your step butterfly.... Hooooo Roooooooo

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Perhaps a tad P/Incorrect...... (Preview) I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles, My next pooo could spell disaster....... Went out last night and got really wasted, I woke up this morning next to a large old bird who was snoring and farting....so, at least I managed to get home OK!... The wife's back on the warpath again. She was u...	Goldfinger	0	804	10:08 AM Apr 14, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Poor blooody Irish...and I'm one..... (Preview) Joe says to Paddy : "Close your curtains ta next time ya makin love to your wife Paddy the whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well ta jokes on them cos I wasn't even at home yesterday.".... Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing n...	Goldfinger	0	1020	03:18 PM Apr 13, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Golfers (Preview) Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a "Hole in one" !!!!!	iana	0	929	11:33 PM Apr 10, 2015 by iana
	Apple purchases..... (Preview) Husband buys his son an iPAD, daughter an iPOD, himself an iPHONE and his wife an iRON. She wasn't impressed even when he explained it can be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK, and iCLEAN network. This triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out the iSHAG function...... Hoo Roo.	Goldfinger	1	787	07:04 PM Apr 10, 2015 by Collo
	Senior in a Sex Shop...... (Preview) A little old lady enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it with white knuckles for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo youuuuu have dilllldoooos?...	Goldfinger	2	943	06:32 PM Apr 10, 2015 by iana
	Dog VS Cat - Diaries (Preview) Ever imagine what it would be like if your pets had diaries? What would your favorite animal friend write about their day, about their life, about you? Dog Diary; 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got...	Possum3	0	950	10:24 AM Apr 10, 2015 by Possum3
	GEORDIE GOLF. (Preview) A Geordie golfer and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The Geordie said to the dentist, "Doc I'm in one hell of a hurry." "I have two mates sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you...	Goldfinger	1	676	07:13 AM Apr 10, 2015 by Blues Man
	Confessional Box...... (Preview) <With the cooler weather I will be going out gold prospecting again and stop entertaining myself, and possibly boring you,.. in this section>.... A bloke goes into the Confessional Box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's...	Goldfinger	1	846	07:08 AM Apr 10, 2015 by Blues Man
	11 PEOPLE...ON A ROPE. (Preview) Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided one had to leave, Because otherwise they were all going to fall. They didn't have much time to waste, and weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave...	Goldfinger	0	706	11:42 PM Apr 9, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Geraldine Hickey Melb. Comedy Fest. 2015 - letter to Tony Abbott (Preview) 'Dear Tony Abbott,firstly, may I say thank you. Thank you so much.Finally, someone with some vision and ability and leadership to take over the portfolio for women.'For too long it's simply been women taking care of other women, and you know women can't take care of other women because we all know wo...	Lesley F	0	1732	03:43 PM Apr 9, 2015 by Lesley F
	We all know a few 'Post Turtles'....don't we??...... (Preview) While stitching a cut hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working his cattle, the local Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Politicians <as it invariably does these days>...and their role as leaders. The o...	Goldfinger	0	653	09:49 AM Apr 8, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Dr. Geezer vs. Dr. Young.. (Preview) Old Mr. Geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside thatsaid: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know...	aussie_paul	1	1218	06:07 PM Apr 7, 2015 by Blues Man
	Mother-in-law (Preview) A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when the baby was born: 'I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son' The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: 'I don't mean to be rude either but this is a fanny, not a f...ing photo copier' June C.	June	1	852	07:25 PM Apr 6, 2015 by Kaid
	The bush party/bash.. (Preview) This is an oldie however I never fail to laugh when I tell it to myself on my own round the prospecting camp fire... A burnt out advertising executive decides he has had enough of the rat race and buys a property wayyy out west..No electricity..no phones..no company. He has read everything he can, an...	Goldfinger	0	733	09:49 PM Apr 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	The Mistress.. (Preview) A man and his wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a long passionate open mouthed kiss, and says to him, "I'll see you later dear" "And who the hell was that floozy?" says the wife. Tha...	Goldfinger	0	715	09:02 PM Apr 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Jewish Wisdom (Preview) A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish gentleman who had been going to the Western Wall to pray for a very long long time.. So she went to check it out. She went to The Western Wall and sure enough there he was, walking slowly up to the 'Holy Site'. She watched him pray and after about 45 minute...	Goldfinger	0	653	08:51 PM Apr 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Adam Hills sings our National Anthem (Preview) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiEycVMKoJo	Lesley F	1	683	08:43 PM Apr 4, 2015 by JackieP
	MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS!!!! (Preview) 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a...	aussie_paul	0	750	11:41 AM Apr 3, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Breeding Bulls..... (Preview) Breeding Bulls...................... My wife and I went to the Bathurst District Agricultural Show, and one of the first Exhibits we stopped at was the Breeding Bulls Section, We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached in front of a very muscular Bull that read THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES...	Goldfinger	1	805	02:45 PM Apr 2, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	Their last argument...... (Preview) ...an oldie but always worth another visit for us old chauvinistic Grey Nomads..... O..K. HONEY! WE'RE HERE! I SAID I WAS SORRY! I REALLY DO LIKE YOUR MOTHER! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW DEAREST.....whispers....mind your step butterfly.... Hooooo Roooooooo	Goldfinger	0	939	05:19 PM Mar 31, 2015 by Goldfinger
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