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Dear Jaclyn & Heidi (G N M Times)
(Preview)
Dear Jaclyn I am shortly to become engaged to a wonderful man. My psychiatrist tells me that an open, honest relationship is the foundation of a happy marriage. But there are a few things about my family that are difficult to raise in conversation. For instance, my father is a drug dealer and touches u...
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dishlicker
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0
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792
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Jacky
(Preview)
Jacky was sitting inthe gutter in a suburban street. It was garbage day, and the council garbage truck stopped right by him. Where's ya bin? asked the garbo. I bin away, answered Jacky No wheres ya wheely bin? asked the garbo impatiently. Oh said jacky, i weely bin in prison, but i tell me friends i've be...
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dishlicker
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0
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1005
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new one
(Preview)
A black fella walks into a bar with one thong on. The barman ask's, Did ya lose a thong mate,? Nah i found one yeah i know you herd it already cheers.
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dishlicker
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0
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849
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Dave & Mable.
(Preview)
Dave & Mable first appeared as characters in On Our Selection by Steele Rudd. The rudd stories were turned into films by the Australian director Ken Hall, with a very young Peter Finch playing Dave. The sexual escapades of Dave and Mabel have been a staple of Australian humour ever since, with mo...
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dishlicker
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0
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1311
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The old man and the hunter
(Preview)
The old man and the hunter An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor consider...
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Young Simmo
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2
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915
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Travelling nomads
(Preview)
A couple of greynomads were travelling along the road when suddenly there running along side of them in the paddock was a three legged chook. It suddenly made a right turn up a side track towards a farm house. Intrigued by this the nomads decided to follow the chook. At the end of the track they met a farme...
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dishlicker
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0
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685
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Senior Driving
(Preview)
Senior Driving As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" Heck,said Herman, "It's not j...
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Young Simmo
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0
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948
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Now,,,, listen to me.
(Preview)
The Australian preacher enquired: "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."With that, an Aboriginal got in line, and when it was his turn, the vicar asked: "Mulrunji, what do you want me to pray about for you?"Mulr...
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Young Simmo
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0
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575
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Better than a Flu Shot!
(Preview)
Miss Beatrice,The church organist,Was in her eightiesAnd had never been married. She was admired for hersweetness and kindness to all.One afternoon the pastorcame to call on her and she showed him into her quaintsitting room.She invited him to have aseat while she prepared tea...As he sat facing...
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Yarra
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1
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763
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One day God....
(Preview)
One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally retirees' behaviour that was going on... So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time. When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% of retirees are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought for a moment a...
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aussie_paul
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3
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863
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Got a new parrot
(Preview)
Do you like the parrot I purchased yesterday.
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Phillipn
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2
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756
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Christmas Eve at the North Pole
(Preview)
XMAS EVE AT THE NORTH POLE Santa's alarm clock didnt go off as planned. He wakes up 3 hours late. He rushes around to get his reindeer yoked up, but because of his panic, they got spooked and disappeared into the forest. It took him another 30minutes to round them up. Santa throws the toy bag onto the...
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erad
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0
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945
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Wonderfully British
(Preview)
In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating theEnglishman sitting across from him in the compartment."The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm me...
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Yarra
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1
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862
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Walking Down The Aisle
(Preview)
I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, standing beside me. I gave her a loving smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love. They...
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Yarra
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0
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895
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Jokes-enjoy
(Preview)
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked ov...
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aussie_paul
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1
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851
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Why Grandfathers are different ?
(Preview)
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is: There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with h?? is son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughte...
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aussie_paul
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0
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798
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letter from dead husband
(Preview)
my dead husband A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!! A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was dif...
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Lesley F
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1
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851
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Arranging Lunch......
(Preview)
A group of guys, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there were gorgeous with tight skirts, lean legs, perky breasts and nice butts. Ten years later, aged 50, the friends once again disc...
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June
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0
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919
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To the Horticulturists (or not) among you......
(Preview)
A woman loved growing tomatoes but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentleman 'What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?' The gentleman respo...
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June
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0
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911
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A police officer arrives to a crime scene
(Preview)
Hello, captain. What's the situation?A woman killed her husband. 12 stabs, 2 gunshot wounds, half burnt, and thrown down the stairs.Oh my god, what was the reason?She told us the husband intentionally started walking on the floor which she recently cleaned.Did you arrest her?No. We're waiting fo...
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Yarra
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0
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742
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