Just Joking

gerard gue · gerard gue

For those who do not listen to the 'Today' programme on BBC Radio 4, this is English humour at its best.Right at the end of a programme recently, there was a discussion about thecost of entry into Premiership football matches where ticket prices of £60or £100 per game is not uncommon.An elderly chap be...

Yarra · Yarra

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that eithe...

Yarra · Yarra

Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough m...

Yarra · Yarra

For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally..... 'Circumcised' ? (this is priceless!) A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his c...

Yarra · Yarra

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns..With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed c...

Yarra · Yarra

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suita...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was just reading that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.......... Really?..Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds??....... <My case rests your Honour> Hoo Roo

Yarra · Yarra

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house, a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."The...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Effective Suicide Counselling...... A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look since you'll be dead in a few moments and it won't matter to you, how about a quick shag before you go?" She screame...

Ontos45 · Ontos45

Tarzan not know sex'When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'Horri...

nimrod · nimrod

Must have been VERY cold

Joe50 · Joe50

Click the link to see how the Catholic Church's new automatic confession service works. Due to an increase in the number of sinners and a decline in the number of new priests, the Church is finding it difficult to cope with the increase in confessions made by the flock. [url]https://www.youtube.com...

Phillipn · Phillipn

In a town in western Qld a young fellow went to see his great grand Ma who was on her last, and her memory of recent events was no the best. The great grand son said to her that she must be bed ridden from laying in bed for a long time, The old girl replied, sonny I have been bed ridden hundreds of times and tw...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a Nurse's outfit, a French-maids outfit, and a Police women's uniform he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,..she's not for him...... I got sacked from my job as a Bingo Caller...ap...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Some bloke just rattled a tin at me in the street so I told him to piss off.I didn't realise he was legally blind and was indicating which end was it to get the lid off of his Pringles!!.. -- Edited by Gunsondeck on Friday 31st of July 2015 02:04:44 AM

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

An Irishman goes to his Doctor with botty problems..... 'Dacter, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta tehyk a look, if you woot." So the Doctor gets him to drop is pants and takes a look. " Incredible" he says, by the look of it you've got a 20 pound note lodged up here". Tentatively he ease...

Yarra · Yarra

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell ran...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A mate asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you have a part-time job......? I replied..."Well.....yes, I have become my wife's sexual adviser." "Somewhat shocked, he said " I beg your pardon, but what on earth do you mean by that......?" "Very simple...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

IRISH FIRE INSURANCE. A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was 2000 Pounds a year! When they arrived in Cork, they went to their local Insurance Agency to obtain a quote to insure her wooden leg. The Irish Insurance Agent looked it...

rockylizard · rockylizard

http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=twolinejokes&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Lovely English humour (Preview) For those who do not listen to the 'Today' programme on BBC Radio 4, this is English humour at its best.Right at the end of a programme recently, there was a discussion about thecost of entry into Premiership football matches where ticket prices of £60or £100 per game is not uncommon.An elderly chap be...	gerard gue	0	831	06:38 PM Aug 8, 2015 by gerard gue
	The First Pint (Preview) While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that eithe...	Yarra	1	806	03:53 PM Aug 7, 2015 by Spydermann
	What I want in a Man For the Ladies (Preview) Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough m...	Yarra	0	945	07:51 PM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	KIDS (Preview) For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally..... 'Circumcised' ? (this is priceless!) A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his c...	Yarra	0	705	04:58 PM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	Sunburn (Preview) A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns..With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed c...	Yarra	0	840	09:33 AM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	Skin Graft (Preview) A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suita...	Yarra	0	761	09:30 AM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	Sex and Calories... (Preview) I was just reading that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.......... Really?..Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds??....... <My case rests your Honour> Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	882	10:34 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	The young doctor (Preview) A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house, a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."The...	Yarra	0	737	07:33 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Yarra
	He saved her life....... (Preview) Effective Suicide Counselling...... A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look since you'll be dead in a few moments and it won't matter to you, how about a quick shag before you go?" She screame...	Goldfinger	0	751	05:12 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Tarzan not know sex (Preview) Tarzan not know sex'When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'Horri...	Ontos45	1	933	09:35 PM Aug 3, 2015 by Dodge
	A cold day in the desert (Preview) Must have been VERY cold	nimrod	0	812	06:21 PM Aug 3, 2015 by nimrod
	Automatic confession service (Preview) Click the link to see how the Catholic Church's new automatic confession service works. Due to an increase in the number of sinners and a decline in the number of new priests, the Church is finding it difficult to cope with the increase in confessions made by the flock. [url]https://www.youtube.com...	Joe50	3	824	09:33 AM Aug 3, 2015 by 2weis
	Bed Ridden (Preview) In a town in western Qld a young fellow went to see his great grand Ma who was on her last, and her memory of recent events was no the best. The great grand son said to her that she must be bed ridden from laying in bed for a long time, The old girl replied, sonny I have been bed ridden hundreds of times and tw...	Phillipn	1	796	01:18 PM Aug 2, 2015 by Ontos45
	....may offend some... (Preview) Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a Nurse's outfit, a French-maids outfit, and a Police women's uniform he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,..she's not for him...... I got sacked from my job as a Bingo Caller...ap...	Goldfinger	0	885	12:39 PM Aug 1, 2015 by Goldfinger
	My mistake... (Preview) Some bloke just rattled a tin at me in the street so I told him to piss off.I didn't realise he was legally blind and was indicating which end was it to get the lid off of his Pringles!!.. -- Edited by Gunsondeck on Friday 31st of July 2015 02:04:44 AM	Gunsondeck	8	1531	12:18 PM Aug 1, 2015 by Goldfinger
	An Oirish Story...as only the Oirish can tell it... (Preview) An Irishman goes to his Doctor with botty problems..... 'Dacter, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta tehyk a look, if you woot." So the Doctor gets him to drop is pants and takes a look. " Incredible" he says, by the look of it you've got a 20 pound note lodged up here". Tentatively he ease...	Goldfinger	0	854	12:34 AM Jul 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	12 Priests (Preview) Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell ran...	Yarra	1	868	09:20 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Hey Jim
	RETIRED MAN'S JOB.... (Preview) A mate asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you have a part-time job......? I replied..."Well.....yes, I have become my wife's sexual adviser." "Somewhat shocked, he said " I beg your pardon, but what on earth do you mean by that......?" "Very simple...	Goldfinger	2	773	06:56 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Felicia
	IRISH LOGIC..... (Preview) IRISH FIRE INSURANCE. A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was 2000 Pounds a year! When they arrived in Cork, they went to their local Insurance Agency to obtain a quote to insure her wooden leg. The Irish Insurance Agent looked it...	Goldfinger	1	1029	06:49 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Felicia
	Don't groan .... simply smile and move on ..... (Preview) http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=twolinejokes&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2	rockylizard	0	932	04:32 PM Jul 28, 2015 by rockylizard
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