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Bar joke: Asphalt
(Preview)
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks "A beer please, and one for the road."
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gumpybsc
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0
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809
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Making a baby
(Preview)
Making a baby. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chan...
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Woody2
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1
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1134
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I'm tired!
(Preview)
Yes, I'm tired. For several years now I've been blaming it on old age, droop, poor blood flow, poor diet, poor air quality, artificial ingredients in food, lack of exercise or too much exercise, stress, hayfever, and a heap of other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living. I haven'...
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gumpybsc
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1
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985
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Old priest lay dying
(Preview)
An old priest lay dying in a hospital in Canberra, Australia. He had served the people of the nation's capital for many years. He motioned for the nurse to come near."Yes father?" said the nurse."I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull, Prime Minister and Bill Shorten, Opposition L...
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Woody2
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2
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948
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Some Irish stuff...
(Preview)
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty.""That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?" Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."Keenan: "What on earth i...
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aussie_paul
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0
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884
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Raisin bread
(Preview)
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear veryshort skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant id...
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Woody2
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0
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926
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DAFFY DEFINITIONS
(Preview)
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper, with fire at one end, and a fool at the other! MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelors degree, and a woman gains her masters. LECTURE: An art of transmitting information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of stude...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1082
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JOKES - ENJOY!
(Preview)
Jewish Comedians. Some of us miss the old kind of (Yiddish) humour.Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below: A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"The man says, "I make a good living." I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-i...
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aussie_paul
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0
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908
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Golf club notice
(Preview)
Sign posted at a local golf club: ADVICE FOR MEMBERS AND GUESTS 1. Keep your back straight, knees bent, and feet shoulder width apart 2. Form a loose grip 3. Keep your head down 4. Avoid a quick back swing 5. Stay out of the water 6. Try not to hit anyone 7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahea...
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gumpybsc
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2
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835
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Service fee
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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850
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Oh dear I think I have OCD
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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660
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Marriage is Sharing
(Preview)
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. H...
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Yarra
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1
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952
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What Kind of Course?
(Preview)
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf. One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority - figu...
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Yarra
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2
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989
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Mechanical problem
(Preview)
The old grey nomads were a little concerned about a strange noise that was coming from under the tug somewhere. Mr grey nomad suggested they stop at the next town so that he could get underneath and see what is going on, and Mrs grey nomad thought not a bad idea as they were running low on groceries. They ca...
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gumpybsc
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1
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1160
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...Ohhhh I do like to swing beside the seaside..I do like to hang beside the sea...XxcarexX
(Preview)
...Grandpa just wades...cos' he can't swim for nuts!.........some dried arrangements deserve never... to be seen....... Alright...Alright...I'm taking myself to the naughty corner.....Hoo Roo
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goldfinger
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3
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995
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Laws not taught in physics class
(Preview)
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being wat...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1026
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JOKES - ENJOY!
(Preview)
Advertisement In Shop: Guitar, for sale...Cheap...no strings attached. On a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives. When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking.... I Gave Up Reading My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
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aussie_paul
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0
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885
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Sad horse
(Preview)
A horse walks up to the bar and the barman asks "Why the long face?"
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gumpybsc
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0
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896
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The Spiritualists Society
(Preview)
The old grey nomad caravanned into the town and decided to stop there for the evening as it was getting late and he needed to rest. He parked his rig in a quiet shady spot and went for a short stroll to stretch his legs. Shortly he came upon the town's local hall, where there must have been some sort of meetin...
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gumpybsc
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1
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941
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GETTING OLDER -- EVERY DAY
(Preview)
My goal for this year was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go. Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Gri...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1091
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