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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
(Preview)
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant? Bessie thinks a minute and says, &...
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Yendorane
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0
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848
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Drafting Guys Over 60........
(Preview)
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18 year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're a...
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June
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2
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1112
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The Gay Farm Hand
(Preview)
A successful farmer died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, butknew very little about farming, so she decided to place an ad in thenewspaper for a farm hand. Two farm hands applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk....
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Yarra
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2
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1686
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Dad and Dave
(Preview)
Dad and Dave was a bit of a skit on the radio back in the 1940s & 50s. It used to be on most evenings, and was about the life and adventures of a Victorian outback farmer and his son. Dave started out as a little boy, and grew into a big boy, and when he was about 18 he married Mable. The story goes like this. J...
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Young Simmo
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0
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1068
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A conversation in HEAVEN
(Preview)
SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that m...
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Young Simmo
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0
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832
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Russel Coit
(Preview)
http://www.unsealed4x4.com.au/issue015/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=10+Things+I+Learned+Crossing+The+Madigan+Line&utm_campaign=Unsealed+Issue+015+-+Send+003#181
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Possum3
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0
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1012
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This trike runs on natural gas
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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2
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749
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caretaker position
(Preview)
Urgently required. Care taker for Flaggy Rock Community Centre Qld. Duties include ground keeping building and amenities cleaning, swimming pool maintenance and management of overnight self contained caravans. Pensioners and self funded people would be ideal. Own caravan is a must. First aid...
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pidge
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4
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1073
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Mexican Maid
(Preview)
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about the request and decided to talk to her about it. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Maria replied " Well Senora, there are three reasons why a wanna increase, the first is that I iron...
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Hendo
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0
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831
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Nomads???
(Preview)
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in a...
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Magnarc
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1
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991
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Swearing at work
(Preview)
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Possum3
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1
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839
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JOW - Lotto
(Preview)
At breakfast, the wife says to her husband "What would you do if I won Lotto?" "I'd take half and leave you" he replied. "Great" she says. "Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch".
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Hendo
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4
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1412
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Blonde
(Preview)
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.... The blonde came to the door an...
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Possum3
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0
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862
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The golfer and the Leprechaun
(Preview)
The golfer and the Leprechaun A golfer in Ireland hooks his drive into the woods. Searching for his ball, he finds a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump on his head and golf ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving hi...
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dING
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0
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868
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Paddy....
(Preview)
A Muslim gentleman was sitting next to Paddy on an International Flight. Paddy ordered a single malt whiskey. The Stewardess asked the Muslim gentleman if he'd also like a drink? He replied in utter disgust, "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than ever let liquor touch my lips. Paddy promptl...
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Goldfinger
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1
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848
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Never assume anything.......
(Preview)
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied... 'Well, strip d...
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Magnarc
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0
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1033
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Hillbilly First Aid
(Preview)
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and s...
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nimrod
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0
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755
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50 shades of?????????
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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721
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The Glasgow Hooker..... a tad off colour...
(Preview)
A Glasgow couple are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll try being a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do so the husband says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a bloke. Tell him you charge a hundred pounds......any questions and I'll be parked around the corner".. Sh...
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Goldfinger
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0
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890
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I'm a spider!
(Preview)
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient. My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me. My 60-year kindergarten reunion is coming u...
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Possum3
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2
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1069
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