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Make it a double...
(Preview)
I lost my s*i*. Quite literallySo today's visit to a Tesco store where Daddy (maintenance) was showing his Fire Engine to the public. A pleasant experience for all. We dropped off his lunch had a go at being the neee nooor driver and returned to the car.When I got back to my car an oversized, too old to be a...
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aussie_paul
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7
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1431
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Dirty dishes
(Preview)
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Larry was concerned about the plates as it appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, Are you sure these plates are clean?Without looking up the old man said, I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water ca...
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oldbloke
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1
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1280
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Priest
(Preview)
An old priest lay dying in Woden's, Canberra Hospital. He had served the people near the nation's capital, at Manuka for many years.He motioned for the nurse to come near."Yes father?" said the nurse."I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I die" whispered the priest....
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oldbloke
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0
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1089
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For the teachers....
(Preview)
For the teachers.... Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door."God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France.""Fred," said his father, "why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?""Because that's what I wrote in my geography tes...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1068
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Careful.
(Preview)
During a funeral, the Pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the Lady inside was actually still alive. The Lady lives for another 10 years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service the Pallbearers are carrying...
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Possum3
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1
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1002
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Tattooist
(Preview)
A bloke went to a Tattooist to get his wife's name tattoot on his little fellow , well he missed out , the tattooist said that he din't had a needle small enough.
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Recoup
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13
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1744
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Texan.
(Preview)
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and wit...
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Possum3
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2
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1085
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How I Got Into Heaven..
(Preview)
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, Heavens getting pretty close to full today, and Ive been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So whats your story? So the firs...
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Possum3
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2
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1654
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Divorce.
(Preview)
Dear Wife, Im writing you this letter to tell you that Im leaving you for good. Ive been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer. La...
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Possum3
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2
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1592
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What'd say
(Preview)
A Police Officer pulled over an elderly couple driving down the freeway He walks up to the drivers side window and asks the husband for his license and registration. The wife, hard of hearing, asks what?! What did he say to you? The husband replies he wants my license! The officer asks him if he knew how f...
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Possum3
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1
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1074
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I win.
(Preview)
A Police officer pulled me over. He said "Papers" I said "Scissors - I win" - and drove off. The blighter must want a re-match, he's been chasing me for 20 minutes.
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Possum3
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1
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1360
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The Toilet
(Preview)
There are important questions to be answered about recent LGBTI bathroom legislation and whether transgender people will be permitted to use a restroom of the gender that they "identify" with or be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.If the latter, will public restrooms be re...
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RustyD
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1
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1214
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Computer.
(Preview)
I had a problem with my computer yesterday. So I called Eric, the 11-year-old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, So, what was wrong? He replied, It was an ID ten...
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Possum3
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3
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1302
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Two Nuns
(Preview)
There were two nuns One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.... SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he w...
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Possum3
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2
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1258
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Clever wife.
(Preview)
Husband called his wife on the phone: Honey Ive been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. Were leaving from office & Ill swing by the house to pick m...
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Possum3
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2
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1251
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Please Waiter
(Preview)
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Phillipn
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0
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1149
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Another MIL joke :)
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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1000
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Texas.
(Preview)
A blind man was heading to visit distant relatives in Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he was surprised. These seats sure are big! The person next to him laughed. Everything is big in Texas. When he arrived at his hotel, he visited the bar for a glass of beer. Wow, this glass is enormous! he said.Ad. Ar...
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Possum3
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0
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1060
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Romantic!!!!
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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1163
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Aviation emergency.
(Preview)
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft! A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the controllers. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular ph...
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hako
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0
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1006
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