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New dentures.
(Preview)
A Priest goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.... The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit...
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Possum3
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2
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1105
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Please God
(Preview)
Morris wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night.He picks up his bathrobe from the floor and puts it on.He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra.He thinks: "What the hell -- what happened last night?" He walks t...
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Yarra
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0
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854
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Hit Man
(Preview)
The Grey Nomad hired a hit man to kill his wife. The hit man said "I'll shoot her right in the left nipple" The Grey Nomad said "I wan't you to kill her - not Kneecap her".
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Possum3
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0
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792
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Did you????
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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766
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Speeding..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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785
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First of the month.
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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708
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Old navy chief
(Preview)
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am? 'About 32,' is the r...
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Woody2
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0
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1098
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Darts team
(Preview)
A middle aged couple took in a very beautiful 18-year-old girl as a lodger.On her first night She asked if she could have a bath,but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although ifshe wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's thebest night, when my husband goes...
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Woody2
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0
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929
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Murphy's other 15 laws:
(Preview)
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.... 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending mac...
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Possum3
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0
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974
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Another Handyman
(Preview)
Elderly widow puts add in local paper seeking a Handyman. Youngish clean looking fellow knocks on door and advises he is answering her handyman ad. Lady likes the look of him and says your hired. Lady asks handyman to get a ladder from the garage and clean out roof gutters, as it looks like rain. Handyma...
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Possum3
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0
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1289
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Handyman Husband
(Preview)
Wife texts her handy husband on a cold winter morning: "WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN" Husband texts back: "GENTLY POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER THE EDGES AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER" Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "LAPTOP REALLY BUGGERED NOW!!
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Yarra
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0
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843
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Disco Moves
(Preview)
My arms and legs are killing me. Was at a Chinese disco last night and it was all going smoothly until the Chinese version of YMCA came on.
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Possum3
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0
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1103
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Military
(Preview)
An army major called his wife to tell her that he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action. "The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said. "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women o...
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Possum3
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0
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827
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So true...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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953
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Online of years gone by...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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4
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1267
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|
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City Farme
(Preview)
A city type moves to the country and decides he wants to be a farmer. So he goes to the local farm shop and tells the man: "Give me 100 baby chickens."The farm shop worker complies. A week later the man returns and says: "Give me 200 baby chickens."Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says: "Giv...
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Yarra
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0
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874
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Ponderisms...
(Preview)
Thoughts to Ponder Number 9: Death is the number 1 killer in the world. Number 8: Life is sexually transmitted. Number 7: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 6: Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. [If you see a gleam in his...
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aussie_paul
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0
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928
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|
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Ponder on these imponderables for a minute......
(Preview)
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?... 5. If...
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Possum3
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1
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949
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Chewing Gum
(Preview)
CHEWING GUM! An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Austr...
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Baggie
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0
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854
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OLDIE
(Preview)
An award should go to the American Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. A crowded American Airline...
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Possum3
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0
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815
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