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damn technology
(Preview)
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was li...
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dave06
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0
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785
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Lipstick in School
(Preview)
Lipstick in School (You've got to love this principal) According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their l...
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The Gnome
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1
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811
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All Jacked Up
(Preview)
Someone wanted to know what to do with a redundant scissor jack
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Wombat 280
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0
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1062
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Outdoor cooking
(Preview)
Just move into a flat and needed a new use for the yard rake Great when a crowd drop in
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Wombat 280
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0
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1034
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Learning
(Preview)
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains'? 'Not yet', she replied.
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The Gnome
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0
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775
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The Ventriloquist and the Blonde
(Preview)
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and dumb blonde jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts: "I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, D!CKH...
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jimricho
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1119
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RED HEAD.........NOT
(Preview)
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more....
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Ma
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930
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GETTING MARRIED
(Preview)
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' ' Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she...
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Ma
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0
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822
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BLONDE SURGERY PATIENT
(Preview)
A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine," he said. She asked,"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl."What'...
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Ma
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6
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1322
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WARNING !!!! this one's a bit naughty
(Preview)
STOP CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her. "Ken ya swaller?" asked Bluey The woman signalled 'No!...
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Ma
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1
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840
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CHANGING IDENTITIES
(Preview)
Clany and Blue were travelling in the outback when their car broke down. They could see a light burning in the distance and so they approached a farm house. It was owned by a beautiful but lonely widow named Matilda. About nine months later Clancy rang his mate Blue and asked "Do you remember that n...
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Ma
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931
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INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SEX:
(Preview)
Global Facts . . . At Any Given Moment: FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now. FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex. FACT: 1 old Grey Nomad is reading jokes on this forum You hang in there, Sunshine . .. -- Edited by jimricho on Thursday 30th of Jul...
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jimricho
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1102
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Paddy's fingers
(Preview)
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital. The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'. Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers.' 'Whadda ya mean you haven'...
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jimricho
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0
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1104
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Business Lesson
(Preview)
Kevin wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else... One day, Kevin got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO. Kevin said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend d...
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The Gnome
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0
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932
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Beware
(Preview)
Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning: My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the f...
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The Gnome
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0
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934
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Golf Lesson
(Preview)
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? Wh...
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The Gnome
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0
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934
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GOLF PANTIES
(Preview)
GOLF PANTIES The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swed...
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The Gnome
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0
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1138
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The Gay Flight Attendant
(Preview)
THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be land...
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The Gnome
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2
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1025
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3 BLONDES
(Preview)
Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a fold...
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sgntbilko
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1
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1122
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Political Joke
(Preview)
This is a joke about the jokes that get elected. Just substitute the names if it doesn't suit your political view. On a bitterly cold morning in Canberra, Mr Rudd is being chauffeured to Parliament House. It is so cold that Lake Burley Griffin is frozen over. As he jumps out of the limo Kevin looks over th...
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jimricho
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860
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