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SWINE FLU - AGAIN
(Preview)
Just phoned the NHS swine flu helpline and all I got was crackling. How did the pig go on holiday? The swine flu !!! Swine flu isn't a problem for pigs, because they're all going to be cured anyway. The first sign of pig flu is that you come out in nasty rashers. If you want a clear train carriage on the way int...
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Ma
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1
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1208
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Signwriter who got it very wrong
(Preview)
Have a look at this - it's disgusting.
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Basil Faulty
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1
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1167
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Keep the Motor Running.
(Preview)
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it a...
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Xtrail51
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0
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873
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Duck hunter
(Preview)
A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak..... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by h...
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Basil Faulty
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4
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1164
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A Trip to Costco
(Preview)
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have...
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suenami
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0
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1078
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blondes
(Preview)
Well I cant help it .... I'm bored .. and it is still raining.
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Monica
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0
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1017
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the things people do
(Preview)
I think this guy is bored too
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Monica
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0
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1039
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how about this one
(Preview)
I'm bored by all the rain so I'm looking at jokes, how about this one.
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Monica
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0
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1001
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Redneck motor home
(Preview)
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Monica
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2
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1234
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Harry
(Preview)
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidd...
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Monica
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1
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1142
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GOLFERS HONEYMOON
(Preview)
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way' The doctor told him,...
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sgntbilko
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2
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1136
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A TOUCHING LOVE STORY ABOUT HONESTY
(Preview)
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Sydney he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry. And my husband wo...
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sgntbilko
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0
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998
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The Ventriloquist - I rest my case
(Preview)
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Essex.. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes when a blond woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: 'I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes. What m...
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sgntbilko
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0
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945
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Beware You Footy Fans
(Preview)
Two Garbage Bags A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $2...
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The Gnome
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1
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1098
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Ackkkk
(Preview)
I bought a deodorant stick today. I'd never used one before, so I read the instructions. They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom' I'm in Casualty at the moment, but my farts smell lovely!!!
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The Gnome
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0
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993
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Drunk's Dilema
(Preview)
STOLEN CARA drunk walks out of a RSL with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw i...
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The Gnome
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2
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1252
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ROBOT BARMAN
(Preview)
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot barman. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared ****tail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, Quantum physics and spiri...
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sgntbilko
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0
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1084
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Older Women......
(Preview)
> Older Women Are So Reasonable
>
> AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "FORTY-FOUR YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YE...
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Xtrail51
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1
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1233
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It's Hell Getting Old
(Preview)
Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year old man reappeared at th...
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Wombat 280
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0
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1072
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Powerless
(Preview)
Pretty sure this is true............? Talking to a mate the other day and he told me the following story that happened to his brother-- Brother complained that his Patrol had no pulling power with the new 16' van hooked up, surged up to 60km easy enough but wouldn't pull past without huge amounts of rig...
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Bear59
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1
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1051
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