An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."
Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad... he went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.
He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
Murphy said,"I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
An Irishman buys an apartment , has some friends around to look at it . Hanging on one of the walls ws the biggest gongs you ever saw . What's that asked one of his friends . That's me Orstralian clock . An Australian clock . How does it work . With that the Irishman picks up the equally biggest gongers you ever saw , really belts the crap out of the gong . An Australian voice the other side of the wall yells . Can you shut that #@*^#@ thing up . It's Ten to Three in the morning .
A (sadly, late,) friend of mine used to tell a story, that he swore was true, about the time he was installing some pumps at a sapphire mine in northern NSW many years ago.
They were having lunch and telling Irish jokes in front of one of the workers who was Irish and remaining quiet and taking it all in. After a while the Irishman (in his best Irish accent) said, "I've got an Irish joke too, What is it that's black and blue and bobs up and down in that tailings dam out there"
So do the Irish , they really know how to laugh at themselves . They are great people too - got to sy that , my eldest son married an Irish girl , now he is living in Ireland. Zoomtop.
