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One-liners To Make You Smile
(Preview)
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes or I would have been really mad. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. I sat on the train this morni...
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Cruising Granny
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7
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1966
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A Really Bad Joke.
(Preview)
''A piece of grey tarmac is in a bar with a piece of red tarmac,'' ''A piece of green tarmac walks in, grabs red's drink, and saunters off. Red tarmac, outraged, gets up to follow, but grey tarmac says, 'Leave it.' 'But he stole my drink!' fumes red. 'Yeah', says grey, 'but mate, believe me, you don't want...
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Firefly
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6
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1325
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DANCE
(Preview)
Why don't dogs dance Cause they have two left feet
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goinsoon
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1
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890
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Don't mess with a taxi driver
(Preview)
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigar...
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goinsoon
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1
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817
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DUMB NURSE
(Preview)
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every...
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goinsoon
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0
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1020
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Barry O'Farrell.
(Preview)
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Firefly
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0
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812
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Remind You Of Anyone You Know?
(Preview)
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the Restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about f...
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Cruising Granny
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0
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794
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The Jury
(Preview)
In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury to be proud of: A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his cl...
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Firefly
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0
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902
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Blondie
(Preview)
A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a TGIF tee-shirt. Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday? Oh crap!' the blonde says. I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Tits Go In Front.
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jimbo
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1
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940
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Bring Back Proof Reading Because ......
(Preview)
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? Here are a few headlines which made it. Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day...
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Cruising Granny
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8
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1015
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Trial and Error or Educated or Stupid?
(Preview)
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something e...
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Cruising Granny
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0
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1061
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Wombats first date
(Preview)
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gubby
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12
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1004
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The Centrelink Fairy.
(Preview)
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Centrelink Offices. 'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told by Julia Gillard to grant you three wishes, since youve just arrived in Australia with your wife and seven children all costs to be borne by ...
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Firefly
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1
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1574
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gubby pic
(Preview)
give this time to load, it's an anim
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_wombat_
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7
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1228
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Old Lady
(Preview)
Subject: 86-year old lady's letter to bank shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumbe...
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_wombat_
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0
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901
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New pics of jonathan
(Preview)
one each day for the next two weeks. -- Edited by _wombat_ on Wednesday 1st of June 2011 08:46:56 AM
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_wombat_
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18
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1774
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Mafia Lawyer
(Preview)
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00 His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido abo...
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Firefly
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0
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905
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ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 - EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
(Preview)
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 - EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE With v. British tongue in cheek -- The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised ye...
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jimricho
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0
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969
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Alzheimer's Eye Test.
(Preview)
(I love this part.. its absolutely amazing!) Count every "F" in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..... (SEE BELOW) HOW MANY ? WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and...
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Firefly
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6
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1197
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BLIND DATE
(Preview)
How was your blind date"? *Terrible*....he arrived in a 1932 Rolls Royce, "So, ...whats wrong with that" ? He was the original owner !!!!!
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goinsoon
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0
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720
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