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Always Use Your Glasses
(Preview)
A mate's daughter suggested he do something useful with his time. She suggested he go down to the senior centre and hang out with the guys. He did this, and when he got home he told her he had joined a parachute club. She said "Are you nuts? You're almost 75 years old and you're going to start jumping o...
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Cruising Granny
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1
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875
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Mammogram
(Preview)
And another one ...............Brings tears to the eyes.........!! For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests. So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wor...
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jules47
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4
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1069
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C"Mon
(Preview)
C'mon peoples I need a laugh.....The Pies Got thrashed last week
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jimbo
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2
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726
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Man about the house
(Preview)
HUSBAND FINISHES READING THE BOOK "BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE" & SAYS TO HIS WIFE, FROM NOW ON MY WORD IS LAW. YOU WILL PREPARE ME A GOURMET MEAL TONIGHT WITH A SCRUMPTIOUS DESSERT. AFTERWARDS WE WILL HAVE THE KIND OF SEX THAT I WANT. YOU WILL BATHE ME AS I RELAX, TOWEL DRY ME THEN MASSAGE MY FEE...
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robell
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2
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1021
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The A T M
(Preview)
MALE V FEMALE AT THE ATM A new sign in the Bank reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing th...
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robell
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0
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792
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The Vet surgery
(Preview)
Just for you Jimbo - Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said " So why are you here ? " The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the c...
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jules47
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1
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820
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Sympathy
(Preview)
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I n...
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jules47
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0
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747
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Real Estate ?
(Preview)
Real EstateA businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.On the way t...
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DandS
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1
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891
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Willy Peppers
(Preview)
Willy Peppers - Tears Of Joy - ..nature is very interesting ... For all the keen gardeners out there........... I have never seen a Willy Pepper before... These are actual peppers from a garden. They really are called 'WillyPeppers'.. By the way, the farmer says they can grow up to 18" long!!Sor...
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jules47
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8
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1725
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Brazilian
(Preview)
Seen on the back of a vehicle................ "Show me your Brazilian and I'll show you I'm Australian"
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JRH
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19
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1147
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A 710
(Preview)
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?' She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'...
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jules47
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9
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1279
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SMART BISHOP;
(Preview)
Last Saturday afternoon, in Canberra , an aide to Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in Canberra . He told the Cardinal that Kevin would be attending the next day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point him out to the congregation and say a few w...
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justcruisin01
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0
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901
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A question of price...
(Preview)
An old man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner...
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gubby
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0
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771
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Smart Kid...
(Preview)
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough....
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gubby
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0
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562
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A Mothers Pain...
(Preview)
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum'. With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. 'D...
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jimbo
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3
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722
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Are they fair dinkum???
(Preview)
First: We are not advertising this nor are we associated with the company in any way. We received this email today. Syl thinks it would be creepy to use it.  http://www.dealme.com.au/deal/national/1495-boyfriend-pillow/
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DandS
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4
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844
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THE PARKING TICKET
(Preview)
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a seni...
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Beth54
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2
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1086
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Aussie Reunion...
(Preview)
Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven't seen each other since School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar. Rachel arrives first, wearing an Alannah Hill outfit. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Clare arrives shortly afterward, in Sass & Bid...
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Travel Bug
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4
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1412
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Tarzan and Jane...
(Preview)
When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, during her questions about his life, she asked how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said "Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree." Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all...
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Travel Bug
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2
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808
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Julie Andrew's
(Preview)
Julie Andrews Turns 70, this is brilliant! To commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattann bsp;'s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.. One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favourite Things' from the legendary movie '...
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robell
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0
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842
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