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The Centipede
(Preview)
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the...
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Grahame Readwin
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0
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817
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Blonde mortician
(Preview)
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. T...
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tonyd
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1
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787
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THE GENIE
(Preview)
THE GENIEA man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, s...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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937
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Cartoons
(Preview)
The Lighterside OfGetting Old Cartoons
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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803
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ooops!!!
(Preview)
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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882
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MOBILES ON THE TRAIN;
(Preview)
After a busy day I settled down in the train from Waterloo for a nap as far as my destination at Winchester, when the chap sitting near mehauled out his mobile and started up: "Hi darling, it's Peter, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that fl...
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justcruisin01
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1
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953
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FINANCIAL PLANNING;
(Preview)
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful w...
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justcruisin01
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0
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978
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pub talk;
(Preview)
I was in a pub the other night and saw two rather large girls by the bar.They both had strange accents so I said, Hello, are you two girls from Scotland?One of them screamed, It's WALES you f**king idiot!So I immediately apologized and said, Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland? I expect to be releas...
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justcruisin01
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0
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893
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Loving Husband
(Preview)
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being a kind-hearted Scot and an loving husband, he thought: "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So they walked past the restaurant again.
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rockylizard
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1
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900
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Those of you who have pets.
(Preview)
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY For those of you who do not have pets, this is also a true story.The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door: Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and c...
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Palebushman
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0
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1136
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JEWS SANK THE TITANIC!
(Preview)
JEWS SANK THE TITANIC! The plane leaves Kingsford Smith Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captai...
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Palebushman
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0
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968
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SUNDAY PAPER;
(Preview)
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. "Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY". There w...
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justcruisin01
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0
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810
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Keeping fit for us 'mature' types
(Preview)
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 1-kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that y...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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699
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Pervert phone call
(Preview)
The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tightarse with no hair?" Womanreplies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"
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hammer
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1
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1004
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Nurse
(Preview)
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sucastja
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1
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938
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Phone Call
(Preview)
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, 'Hello?' 'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?' 'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.' After a brief pause, Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.' 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now..' Br...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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875
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50 years
(Preview)
While having drinks in a bar in their old neighborhood, an elderly husband leaned over and asked his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern, where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes,&q...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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830
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Results
(Preview)
A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care wh...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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650
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Dear Diary
(Preview)
Dear Diary, Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy-efficient kinds. Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Now just becau...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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719
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THE GUNFIGHTER...
(Preview)
THE GUNFIGHTER... A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the ol'-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his ambition to be a great shot... "Cou...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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850
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