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The best of British
(Preview)
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 - EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
With v. British tongue in cheek --
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised...
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tonyd
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0
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773
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Never Lie To A Woman
(Preview)
A man called home to his wife and said, " Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out...
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Firefly
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2
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846
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The Barber
(Preview)
Did you hear about the Barber who broke his leg skiing. Now he can only cut hair on crutches....
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gubby
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2
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791
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Walk up the Beam of Light
(Preview)
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all working as spies for the UK Government during the cold war when they're captured by the Ruskies.Several years pass and the Russian prison starts to get a bit full, and the oppurtunity arises for an exchange of prisoners. The Russians talk and decide not t...
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sucastja
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1
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890
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Italian Abroad
(Preview)
One day I go abroad to a bigga hotel. Inna morning I go down to eata breakfast. I tella watress I wan two pissas toast. She brings only one piss. I tella I wan two piss. She say go toilet. I say you you no understand, I wan two piss on ma plate. She say you betta no pissa onna plate you dirty sonna bitch. I donna ev...
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sucastja
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1
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1018
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Hung Chow
(Preview)
INO COME WORK TODAY ----- Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her t...
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jimbo
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2
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1086
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THE UNDERTAKER'S BLACK EYE
(Preview)
Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asked his wife. "I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag beca...
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Cowboy7307
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2
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929
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The funeral
(Preview)
The Funeral Procession A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. ~ A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. ~ Behind the second hearse was a s...
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robell
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2
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879
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Swimsuit Boutique
(Preview)
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Firefly
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1
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796
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Queenslander
(Preview)
Queenslander: Two boys in Brisbane playing football in the park when one of the boys is attacked by a savage Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A Courier Mail reporter hears about the in...
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jimricho
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1
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633
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Square Testicles
(Preview)
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an emplo...
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robell
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0
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763
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SMS / text codes for the *seniors.
(Preview)
The kids have all their little SMS codes...like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the *seniors: * ATD - At the Doctor's BFF - Best Friends Funeral BTW - Bring the Wheelchair CBM - Covered by Medicare CUATSC - See You at the Senior Centre DWI - Driving While Incontinent FWBB - Friend with Beta Blo...
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DKay
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2
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1066
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Job search
(Preview)
John Smith (his real name) started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG) He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SING...
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robell
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1
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880
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OOpps!
(Preview)
Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!
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jimbo
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5
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895
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The Prayer
(Preview)
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened . He then decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, Australia they decided to send it to Julia Gillard. (Australian PM) Gi...
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Firefly
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1
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776
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Scottish Jew
(Preview)
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club. After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why. Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club? Scot...
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Cowboy7307
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1
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1077
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Coincidently
(Preview)
What A Coincidence! A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne... The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating' 'Thi...
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robell
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1
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820
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how your day going
(Preview)
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says...
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Cowboy7307
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1
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963
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Holy lunch
(Preview)
An old nunwho was living in a convent next to a construction sitenoticed the coarse language of the workersand decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch;sit with the workers; and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag andwalked ov...
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robell
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4
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1109
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HOW BIG ARE YOURS?
(Preview)
Could this be true? I'd say so.Definitely! INTERESTING OBSERVATION 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASE...
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clazandaza
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2
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957
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