Just Joking

jules47 · jules47

My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take Care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toil...

brian · brian

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of fuel. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a...

Lesley F · Lesley F

http://londonist.com/2015/01/the-funniest-things-youve-heard-tube-drivers-say.php

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Two businessmen in the centre of London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop.As yet, the shop wasnt ready, with only a few shelves set up.One said to the other, I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what were sellingNo sooner wer...

HOOK · HOOK

Went to wife swapping party last night. Got a brand new lawn mower for mine.

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

For older people who still like the great outdoors...

Baggie · Baggie

Now these three young Nuns went to do the weekly shopping in Mother Superior's little red Mini Minor. On the way, they got T boned by a Kenworth & they were all killed. Well naturally they went to heaven & got met at the gate by St Peter who welcomed them and told them that because of all the new expe...

Baggie · Baggie

Now these three young Nuns went to do the weekly shopping in Mother Superior's little red Mini Minor. On the way, they got T boned by a Kenworth & they were all killed. Well naturally they went to heaven & got met at the gate by St Peter who welcomed themand told them that because of all the new expe...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician. Doctor, the man said,I dont mind telling you, but Im a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She cant possibly be mine!Nonsense, the doctor said, Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancesto...

dING · dING

ManYana Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond. He used the word "manyana" (pronounced "man -yana"). Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means: "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; Maybe the nex...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didnt tell her husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches and wen...

Delta18 · Delta18

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer."...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Palebushman · Palebushman

His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia ---------------------...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Aussie Paul.

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and d...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

Infinite loop is a computer programming concept, describing a situation of cause and effect that continues forever, one action causing another action that reflects on the first action etc A company CEO tells his secretary: "Next week we're going to a convention abroad and spend some quality...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Aussie Paul.

reglynn · reglynn

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy! The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.' Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.' OK,' he says, 'How...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Aussie Paul.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Framed! (Preview) My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take Care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toil...	jules47	0	1180	10:42 AM Jan 15, 2015 by jules47
	Thief in Paris (Preview) A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of fuel. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a...	brian	3	843	06:27 PM Jan 13, 2015 by petersumpters
	funny comments on the london tube rail lines (Preview) http://londonist.com/2015/01/the-funniest-things-youve-heard-tube-drivers-say.php	Lesley F	1	1201	02:22 PM Jan 11, 2015 by Brenda and Alan
	Pensioners.... :) (Preview) Two businessmen in the centre of London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop.As yet, the shop wasnt ready, with only a few shelves set up.One said to the other, I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what were sellingNo sooner wer...	aussie_paul	0	982	12:54 PM Jan 11, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Swap (Preview) Went to wife swapping party last night. Got a brand new lawn mower for mine.	HOOK	0	931	11:35 AM Jan 11, 2015 by HOOK
	NEVER GIVE UP; (Preview) For older people who still like the great outdoors...	justcruisin01	3	1108	04:24 AM Jan 11, 2015 by Joga
	Three Nuns went to heaven (Preview) Now these three young Nuns went to do the weekly shopping in Mother Superior's little red Mini Minor. On the way, they got T boned by a Kenworth & they were all killed. Well naturally they went to heaven & got met at the gate by St Peter who welcomed them and told them that because of all the new expe...	Baggie	0	1026	08:20 PM Jan 8, 2015 by Baggie
	Three Nuns went to heaven (Preview) Now these three young Nuns went to do the weekly shopping in Mother Superior's little red Mini Minor. On the way, they got T boned by a Kenworth & they were all killed. Well naturally they went to heaven & got met at the gate by St Peter who welcomed themand told them that because of all the new expe...	Baggie	0	1003	08:17 PM Jan 8, 2015 by Baggie
	She can’t possibly be mine!!!!!!!!!!!! (Preview) After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician. Doctor, the man said,I dont mind telling you, but Im a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She cant possibly be mine!Nonsense, the doctor said, Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancesto...	aussie_paul	0	1251	01:05 PM Jan 8, 2015 by aussie_paul
	ManYana (Preview) ManYana Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond. He used the word "manyana" (pronounced "man -yana"). Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means: "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; Maybe the nex...	dING	0	1680	08:08 AM Jan 8, 2015 by dING
	The gardener.. (Preview) A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didnt tell her husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches and wen...	aussie_paul	0	1295	11:16 PM Jan 6, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Three guys in Heaven (Preview) Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer."...	Delta18	0	1214	01:41 PM Jan 6, 2015 by Delta18
	This will put your mind at rest (Preview)	Woody n Sue	0	1094	12:58 PM Jan 5, 2015 by Woody n Sue
	THE FAMILY TREE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH (always pronounced as GO) (Preview) His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia ---------------------...	Palebushman	1	1074	08:00 AM Jan 5, 2015 by Woody n Sue
	Haircut... (Preview) Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	0	1098	10:38 PM Jan 4, 2015 by aussie_paul
	I met an older woman at a bar last night..... (Preview) I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and d...	aussie_paul	0	1240	10:36 PM Jan 4, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Infinite Loop (Preview) *Infinite loop is a computer programming concept, describing a situation of cause and effect that continues forever, one action causing another action that reflects on the first action etc* A company CEO tells his secretary: "Next week we're going to a convention abroad and spend some quality...	Wombat 280	1	1105	07:37 PM Jan 3, 2015 by grahos
	My brain... (Preview) Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	1	936	07:34 PM Jan 3, 2015 by grahos
	The Secret of Senior Sex (Preview) This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy! The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.' Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.' OK,' he says, 'How...	reglynn	1	1627	10:41 PM Jan 2, 2015 by rosa
	The sentiments of us oldies.... (Preview) Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	0	1074	02:34 PM Jan 1, 2015 by aussie_paul
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