Just Joking

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

1, I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older....Then it dawned on me They were cramming for their finals.. 2. My brother tell me he wants a real fun funeral, so the invite is going to say "Hawaiian themed" But he's only going to send that invite to...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Valentines DayJust booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; shes lousy at snooker... Low BatteryA man saved his girlfriends phone number on his mobile as Low Battery. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the char...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Two old blokes, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year-old said, "Well I eat rye bread ever...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO LINE RYHME WITH THE 'MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE' AND THE 'LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE... 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife; Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming; That's why I always wake up sc...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, t...

Weevil · Weevil

50 Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

What is his occupation?A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?&...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A Circus owner runs an advert for a 'Lion Tamer Wanted'...and two people turn up. One is a sexagenarian in his late 60's and the other is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid twenties... The Circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is one ferocious lion, h...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

LIFE. This is perhaps the most profound observation I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free........ it's women who make it hard". Amen......

Snatchem · Snatchem

As we slowly move through (or into) retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects.Like this guy! I know, I saw it right away too.... No safety glasses or hearing protection. And I caught something else that is really important: He has no gloves on...

Possum3 · Possum3

· Pasta was not eaten in Australia. · Curry was a surname. · A takeaway was a mathematical problem. · A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. · All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. · ...

Lesley F · Lesley F

-- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:27:55 PM -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:31:34 PM

Possum3 · Possum3

After landing my new job as a Bunnings "Greeter" - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . . . . . About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was sent to prison, and I said to my cell mate, "I won't be in here long." He replied........ "Well the Judge did give you 6 years". "Yeah I know, but I'm certain my wife will break me out, she's never ever let me finish a bloody sentence before"........ Hoo Roo

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

SMS Received...... Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I'm sorry neighbour, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can't live with myself a moment lon...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

<Since we are all in a Religious/Marriage mood I'll relate this tale> On their way to Church to get married, a young Christian couple were tragically involved in a fatal car accident. Being good Christians the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Pet...

Papou · Papou

Three dogs waiting to see Vet in the reception lounge , A little Fox Terrier, a Bull terrier and a Big Rottwheiler. All three sitting there imaptiantly waiting and occasionally looking over at each other without saying a word till it gets too much for them!! , then suddenly the Rottwheiler looksat the...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once their vows are exchanged? Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at t...

June · June

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a thing. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep' the wife repl...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	...and a few more jokes for no reason..... (Preview) 1, I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older....Then it dawned on me They were cramming for their finals.. 2. My brother tell me he wants a real fun funeral, so the invite is going to say "Hawaiian themed" But he's only going to send that invite to...	Goldfinger	1	1483	12:30 AM Mar 15, 2015 by madaboutled
	Jokes.. (Preview) Valentines DayJust booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; shes lousy at snooker... Low BatteryA man saved his girlfriends phone number on his mobile as Low Battery. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the char...	aussie_paul	1	1082	04:13 PM Mar 14, 2015 by grahos
	Rye Bread...Tip for our Doug?..? (Preview) Two old blokes, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year-old said, "Well I eat rye bread ever...	Goldfinger	0	1332	09:23 PM Mar 10, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Who said Poetry is boring?..... (Preview) THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO LINE RYHME WITH THE 'MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE' AND THE 'LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE... 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife; Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming; That's why I always wake up sc...	Goldfinger	3	1357	04:52 PM Mar 9, 2015 by grahos
	Open carefully with an open mind (Preview)	Woody n Sue	3	1324	07:31 PM Mar 7, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	No nookies now.... (Preview) I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, t...	aussie_paul	1	1160	07:27 PM Mar 7, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	50 SHADES OF GOLF... (Preview) 50 Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews...	Weevil	0	1082	07:12 PM Mar 6, 2015 by Weevil
	Fathers occupation.... (Preview) What is his occupation?A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?&...	aussie_paul	0	1222	07:50 PM Mar 4, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Logical thinking Sexagenarian........ (Preview) A Circus owner runs an advert for a 'Lion Tamer Wanted'...and two people turn up. One is a sexagenarian in his late 60's and the other is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid twenties... The Circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is one ferocious lion, h...	Goldfinger	0	861	12:27 PM Mar 4, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A very brief yet profound observation......on Life (Preview) LIFE. This is perhaps the most profound observation I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free........ it's women who make it hard". Amen......	Goldfinger	0	1004	10:05 PM Mar 3, 2015 by Goldfinger
	First contribution (Preview) As we slowly move through (or into) retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects.Like this guy! I know, I saw it right away too.... No safety glasses or hearing protection. And I caught something else that is really important: He has no gloves on...	Snatchem	0	1112	12:36 PM Mar 3, 2015 by Snatchem
	Eating in the 50's (Preview) · Pasta was not eaten in Australia. · Curry was a surname. · A takeaway was a mathematical problem. · A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. · All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. · ...	Possum3	0	872	09:57 AM Mar 3, 2015 by Possum3
	Bill and Hiliary Clinton kitchen set (Preview) -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:27:55 PM -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:31:34 PM	Lesley F	3	1321	09:16 AM Mar 2, 2015 by Long Weekend
	Didn't last at new job (Preview) After landing my new job as a Bunnings "Greeter" - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . . . . . About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...	Possum3	0	1002	12:05 AM Feb 27, 2015 by Possum3
	Shouldn't be a long sentence..... (Preview) I was sent to prison, and I said to my cell mate, "I won't be in here long." He replied........ "Well the Judge did give you 6 years". "Yeah I know, but I'm certain my wife will break me out, she's never ever let me finish a bloody sentence before"........ Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	884	04:03 PM Feb 25, 2015 by Goldfinger
	SMS Spell Check...... (Preview) SMS Received...... Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I'm sorry neighbour, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can't live with myself a moment lon...	Goldfinger	0	1065	11:28 AM Feb 23, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A marriage in Heaven! (Preview) <Since we are all in a Religious/Marriage mood I'll relate this tale> On their way to Church to get married, a young Christian couple were tragically involved in a fatal car accident. Being good Christians the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Pet...	Goldfinger	1	1141	09:08 PM Feb 22, 2015 by Collo
	Three Dogs At The Vets Reception (Preview) Three dogs waiting to see Vet in the reception lounge , A little Fox Terrier, a Bull terrier and a Big Rottwheiler. All three sitting there imaptiantly waiting and occasionally looking over at each other without saying a word till it gets too much for them!! , then suddenly the Rottwheiler looksat the...	Papou	0	887	12:43 PM Feb 22, 2015 by Papou
	The Aisle, the Altar, the Hymn.... (Preview) Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once their vows are exchanged? Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at t...	aussie_paul	0	1101	10:01 PM Feb 19, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Silent Treatment (Preview) A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a thing. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep' the wife repl...	June	3	936	07:05 PM Feb 19, 2015 by Gunsondeck
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