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Avocados
(Preview)
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"He replied, "They had avocados." ...
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aussie_paul
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2
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977
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politician
(Preview)
If an intelligent politician, an intelligent woman and the easter bunny get into a lift together and discover a $20 note lying on the floor, who would pick it up? The intelligent woman The other two don 't exist. cheers
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dishlicker
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2
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1132
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New Scam Ladies Beware
(Preview)
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Yarra
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2
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1101
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I'm not blond, I am grey.
(Preview)
A beautiful young model boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy, and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empt...
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Young Simmo
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7
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1418
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I might change my mind about something.
(Preview)
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's...
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Young Simmo
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0
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1025
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Ireckon
(Preview)
Husband buys his son an iPAD, daughter an iPAD, himself an iPHONE and his wife an iRON. She wasn`t impressed even after he explained it can be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK, and iCLEAN network. This triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out the iSHAG function.
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Phillipn
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0
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919
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Maori Convention...
(Preview)
MAORI CONVENTION. 33,000 Maori meet at the Westpac Stadium for a Maori Are Not Stupid convention. Pita Sharples addresses the crowd.. We are all here today to prove to the world that Maori are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please? Hone Harawira gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up...
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Gunsondeck
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16
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1978
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The easy way out.
(Preview)
Home Security for Seniors Now that I'm on a fixed income, I've disconnected my home alarm system, turned off my external lights and de-registered from Neighbourhood Watch. I've got two Iraqi flags raised in the front garden, one at each corner, And the black flag of ISIS in the centre. Local police...
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Young Simmo
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0
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1025
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The Thai Bride
(Preview)
Old codger #1. How`s your new Thai bride you found on the internet?
Old codger #2. OK, but she keeps leaving the toilet seat up.
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Spydermann
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0
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1102
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God Bless
(Preview)
Father walking past his young son's bedroom overhears him saying his prayers. "God bless mummy, god bless daddy, god bless grandma, bye-bye grandpa" He thinks that's a bit strange but thinks nothing more until the next day when his wife rings him at work and tells him the grandpa had just...
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Hendo
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0
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1008
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Golfers....
(Preview)
The man said to the dentist. "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to go numb. I just want you to pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 am tee off time at the be...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1049
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For the teachers...
(Preview)
Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door. "God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France." "Fred," said his father, "why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?" "Because that's what...
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aussie_paul
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0
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977
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I know how your mind works LARRY
(Preview)
See, I was correct. Your mind had to read this. PLEASE STAY LARRY. Jim
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Hey Jim
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1
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1102
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Low Battery
(Preview)
A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'low battery'. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal! A Government Survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Australia so that they can see their own do...
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June
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0
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1021
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The bacon Tree
(Preview)
Two Mexicans are lost in the desert after crossing the Rio Grande into the United States. Wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says...:"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.""Si, Luis, eet su...
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nimrod
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1
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1151
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....soooooo... who said we don't enjoy an excellent/close relationship......?
(Preview)
I believe this was eventually rejected as one of the design contenders for their new flag.... Its why we form the greatest/tight/packed Rugby scrums in the World...we enjoy it so much.....Hoo Roo -- Edited by Goldfinger on Saturday 17th of October 2015 04:23:48 PM
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Goldfinger
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1
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1465
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Apologies to you Irish people....
(Preview)
Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "Do you want the winner of the next race?" Paddy replies "No tanks, oi've only got a small yard." Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick "What if one explodes before...
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aussie_paul
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0
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976
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Your test for today......
(Preview)
Your test for today.........I'm about to go gold detecting/prospecting again....so calm will no doubt return.....Hoo Roo
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Goldfinger
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3
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1062
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How long should one live???
(Preview)
How long should one live??? Answer: Live long enough to be a real concern to your family......Hoo Roo
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Goldfinger
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5
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1358
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Murphy
(Preview)
Murphy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.'Thirty euros,' she whispers.Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only thirty euros. So they hid in the bushes.They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is...
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Yarra
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0
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985
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