|
Mexican Maid
(Preview)
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about the request and decided to talk to her about it. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Maria replied " Well Senora, there are three reasons why a wanna increase, the first is that I iron...
|
Hendo
|
0
|
887
|
|
|
|
|
Nomads???
(Preview)
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in a...
|
Magnarc
|
1
|
1049
|
|
|
|
|
Swearing at work
(Preview)
|
Possum3
|
1
|
895
|
|
|
|
|
JOW - Lotto
(Preview)
At breakfast, the wife says to her husband "What would you do if I won Lotto?" "I'd take half and leave you" he replied. "Great" she says. "Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch".
|
Hendo
|
4
|
1501
|
|
|
|
|
Blonde
(Preview)
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.... The blonde came to the door an...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
922
|
|
|
|
|
The golfer and the Leprechaun
(Preview)
The golfer and the Leprechaun A golfer in Ireland hooks his drive into the woods. Searching for his ball, he finds a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump on his head and golf ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving hi...
|
dING
|
0
|
946
|
|
|
|
|
Paddy....
(Preview)
A Muslim gentleman was sitting next to Paddy on an International Flight. Paddy ordered a single malt whiskey. The Stewardess asked the Muslim gentleman if he'd also like a drink? He replied in utter disgust, "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than ever let liquor touch my lips. Paddy promptl...
|
Goldfinger
|
1
|
908
|
|
|
|
|
Never assume anything.......
(Preview)
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied... 'Well, strip d...
|
Magnarc
|
0
|
1089
|
|
|
|
|
Hillbilly First Aid
(Preview)
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and s...
|
nimrod
|
0
|
806
|
|
|
|
|
50 shades of?????????
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
780
|
|
|
|
|
The Glasgow Hooker..... a tad off colour...
(Preview)
A Glasgow couple are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll try being a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do so the husband says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a bloke. Tell him you charge a hundred pounds......any questions and I'll be parked around the corner".. Sh...
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
989
|
|
|
|
|
I'm a spider!
(Preview)
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient. My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me. My 60-year kindergarten reunion is coming u...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1130
|
|
|
|
|
Removed,...... as I didn't feel comfortable with this one.......
(Preview)
-- Edited by Goldfinger on Tuesday 1st of September 2015 07:03:16 AM -- Edited by Goldfinger on Tuesday 1st of September 2015 07:04:15 AM
|
Goldfinger
|
1
|
1274
|
|
|
|
|
Cleaning the Outhouse out..........
(Preview)
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in North Western Queensland up in the foothills..... Pa's sensitive nose has indicated that the hole under the 'outhouse' is full. He goes into the homestead and tells Ma that he doesn't really know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, "Why don't you go ask t...
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
1072
|
|
|
|
|
.....the water trick.....
(Preview)
A woman goes to her Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband's temper, belligerence and threatening manner. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem Janet?" The woman replies: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie Sandy comes home drunk, he threa...
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
844
|
|
|
|
|
Everything worked except the radio.......
(Preview)
I recently purchased a new Colorado with all the bells and whistles, however I couldn't get its fancy radio system to work.... I took it back to the dealership and their Service Technician explained that the radio is 'voice activated'.... "Nelson", the technician said to the radio and i...
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
776
|
|
|
|
|
Grey Nomad, RV night life....
(Preview)
Typical RV night life, for us ugged and buggered, toothless and roofless Grey Nomads: Hubby: Oh, come on. Wifey: Leave me alone! Hubby: It won't take long. Wifey: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Hubby: But...but I can't sleep without it. Wifey: Why do you always have to think of things like this...
|
Goldfinger
|
2
|
965
|
|
|
|
|
FIVE HORSES- very deep and moving.......truly beautiful..
(Preview)
Five Horses Is Her Name:.....this is both mythical and very rich and deep..... Truly Beautiful........ A General asked an American Indian Chief <Native American> his wife's name. Thus he spoke, " She is called Five Horses"..been my squaw for many many moon........
|
Goldfinger
|
1
|
760
|
|
|
|
|
An elderly Scottish Jew.... :)
(Preview)
An elderly Scottish Jew decided to slow down and take up golf, so he applied for membership at the local club.After a week he received a message that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to ask why.Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?Scot: Aye, but I am as Scot...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
906
|
|
|
|
|
.....there was a widowed Lady from St. Kilda........
(Preview)
A widowed Lady from St. Kilda, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a most deserted beach at Brighton. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket near hers and began reading his book. Smiling she attempted to strike up a conversation with him, &qu...
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
801
|
|
|
