Just Joking

Dunmowin · Dunmowin

SERENITY Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.. 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporters interviewing...

Dunmowin · Dunmowin

Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What...

reglynn · reglynn

A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Doolin in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses. One day, a beautiful young English woman a...

Don Pedro · Don Pedro

I'm looking for my grandma, when she turned 65, she started walking 5 kms. a day. she's 90 now and we have no idea where she is.

SLUG · SLUG

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled bac...

SLUG · SLUG

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name."Yeah teach?" he replies."If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.Matt answers &...

SLUG · SLUG

The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"The doctor leading the tour explains, &...

SLUG · SLUG

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him...

SLUG · SLUG

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and th...

Dunmowin · Dunmowin

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?Customer: A white one... Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? **************************** Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Eve...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wan...

SLUG · SLUG

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

This is a great poem.... Aussie Paul.

Delta18 · Delta18

A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight.They start eyeing each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted.Rear toilet? He suggests.Five minutes, she agrees and goes off. He waits five minutes, then goes and sli...

SLUG · SLUG

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,...

SLUG · SLUG

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. What are you doing, Mommy? The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. Well, sweetie, som...

SLUG · SLUG

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom....

SLUG · SLUG

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?&quo...

SLUG · SLUG

What did the leper say to the prostitute?"Keep the tip"

SLUG · SLUG

A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants. He asks for some rum. The bartender says, "Yes, but sir, do you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate says, "Arr! It's driving me nuts!"

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Serenity or Selinity (Preview) SERENITY Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.. 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporters interviewing...	Dunmowin	0	1020	11:15 PM Oct 28, 2014 by Dunmowin
	Retirement (Preview) Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What...	Dunmowin	0	827	10:28 PM Oct 27, 2014 by Dunmowin
	Irish painter (Preview) A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Doolin in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses. One day, a beautiful young English woman a...	reglynn	1	610	10:25 PM Oct 27, 2014 by Dunmowin
	grandma (Preview) I'm looking for my grandma, when she turned 65, she started walking 5 kms. a day. she's 90 now and we have no idea where she is.	Don Pedro	0	683	08:11 PM Oct 27, 2014 by Don Pedro
	feelings (Preview) This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled bac...	SLUG	0	699	01:46 AM Oct 27, 2014 by SLUG
	little matt (Preview) Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name."Yeah teach?" he replies."If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.Matt answers &...	SLUG	0	676	01:40 AM Oct 27, 2014 by SLUG
	medical benifits (Preview) The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"The doctor leading the tour explains, &...	SLUG	0	606	01:37 AM Oct 27, 2014 by SLUG
	the blind man (Preview) A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him...	SLUG	0	605	01:30 AM Oct 27, 2014 by SLUG
	cut backs (Preview) One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and th...	SLUG	0	593	01:27 AM Oct 27, 2014 by SLUG
	Tech Support for Seniors (…be sure to read the entire list!!) (Preview) Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?Customer: A white one... Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? ************************** Customer:** Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Eve...	Dunmowin	0	866	08:52 PM Oct 26, 2014 by Dunmowin
	THE KEY;; (Preview) A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wan...	justcruisin01	2	818	08:49 PM Oct 26, 2014 by Dunmowin
	dreams (Preview) Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy...	SLUG	1	556	08:43 PM Oct 26, 2014 by aussie_paul
	My lovely hotel... (Preview) This is a great poem.... Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	0	669	03:00 PM Oct 26, 2014 by aussie_paul
	Had me fooled.... (Preview) A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight.They start eyeing each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted.Rear toilet? He suggests.Five minutes, she agrees and goes off. He waits five minutes, then goes and sli...	Delta18	0	708	02:35 PM Oct 26, 2014 by Delta18
	the face lift (Preview) A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,...	SLUG	0	899	10:26 PM Oct 24, 2014 by SLUG
	parents going at it (Preview) One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. What are you doing, Mommy? The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. Well, sweetie, som...	SLUG	0	633	10:20 PM Oct 24, 2014 by SLUG
	therapy session (Preview) A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom....	SLUG	0	507	10:16 PM Oct 24, 2014 by SLUG
	little billie (Preview) Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?&quo...	SLUG	0	561	10:13 PM Oct 24, 2014 by SLUG
	the leper (Preview) What did the leper say to the prostitute?"Keep the tip"	SLUG	0	480	10:04 PM Oct 24, 2014 by SLUG
	the pirate (Preview) A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants. He asks for some rum. The bartender says, "Yes, but sir, do you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate says, "Arr! It's driving me nuts!"	SLUG	0	543	10:02 PM Oct 24, 2014 by SLUG
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