Just Joking

Yarra · Yarra

Winner of Chicago Tribune's best tweet of the week:"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the colour of the baby."

Spydermann · Spydermann

Did I read that sign right? . . . (An oldie but a goodie.)TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK...

Young Simmo · Young Simmo

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She re...

Aus-Kiwi · Aus-Kiwi

Naughty but ok ? Aha -- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Saturday 12th of September 2015 10:14:50 PM -- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Saturday 12th of September 2015 10:16:31 PM

Yendorane · Yendorane

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant? Bessie thinks a minute and says, &...

June · June

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18 year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're a...

Yarra · Yarra

A successful farmer died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, butknew very little about farming, so she decided to place an ad in thenewspaper for a farm hand. Two farm hands applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk....

Young Simmo · Young Simmo

Dad and Dave was a bit of a skit on the radio back in the 1940s & 50s. It used to be on most evenings, and was about the life and adventures of a Victorian outback farmer and his son. Dave started out as a little boy, and grew into a big boy, and when he was about 18 he married Mable. The story goes like this. J...

Young Simmo · Young Simmo

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that m...

Possum3 · Possum3

http://www.unsealed4x4.com.au/issue015/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=10+Things+I+Learned+Crossing+The+Madigan+Line&utm_campaign=Unsealed+Issue+015+-+Send+003#181

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

pidge · pidge

Urgently required. Care taker for Flaggy Rock Community Centre Qld. Duties include ground keeping building and amenities cleaning, swimming pool maintenance and management of overnight self contained caravans. Pensioners and self funded people would be ideal. Own caravan is a must. First aid...

Hendo · Hendo

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about the request and decided to talk to her about it. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Maria replied " Well Senora, there are three reasons why a wanna increase, the first is that I iron...

Magnarc · Magnarc

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in a...

Possum3 · Possum3

Hendo · Hendo

At breakfast, the wife says to her husband "What would you do if I won Lotto?" "I'd take half and leave you" he replied. "Great" she says. "Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch".

Possum3 · Possum3

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.... The blonde came to the door an...

dING · dING

The golfer and the Leprechaun A golfer in Ireland hooks his drive into the woods. Searching for his ball, he finds a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump on his head and golf ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving hi...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A Muslim gentleman was sitting next to Paddy on an International Flight. Paddy ordered a single malt whiskey. The Stewardess asked the Muslim gentleman if he'd also like a drink? He replied in utter disgust, "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than ever let liquor touch my lips. Paddy promptl...

Magnarc · Magnarc

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied... 'Well, strip d...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Tweet of the week (Preview) Winner of Chicago Tribune's best tweet of the week:"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the colour of the baby."	Yarra	0	948	11:03 AM Sep 19, 2015 by Yarra
	Did I read it right (Preview) Did I read that sign right? . . . (An oldie but a goodie.)TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK...	Spydermann	0	1245	11:38 AM Sep 17, 2015 by Spydermann
	A few quickies by a 75 year old, sorry I meant 7.5 years. (Preview) You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She re...	Young Simmo	0	1030	11:53 PM Sep 16, 2015 by Young Simmo
	I guess this says it .. Bad moon rising .. Aha (Preview) Naughty but ok ? Aha -- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Saturday 12th of September 2015 10:14:50 PM -- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Saturday 12th of September 2015 10:16:31 PM	Aus-Kiwi	1	882	06:36 PM Sep 16, 2015 by Gunsondeck
	DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER (Preview) 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant? Bessie thinks a minute and says, &...	Yendorane	0	877	05:06 PM Sep 16, 2015 by Yendorane
	Drafting Guys Over 60........ (Preview) I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18 year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're a...	June	2	1126	12:30 PM Sep 16, 2015 by aussie_paul
	The Gay Farm Hand (Preview) A successful farmer died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, butknew very little about farming, so she decided to place an ad in thenewspaper for a farm hand. Two farm hands applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk....	Yarra	2	1733	08:33 AM Sep 15, 2015 by Ondabeach
	Dad and Dave (Preview) Dad and Dave was a bit of a skit on the radio back in the 1940s & 50s. It used to be on most evenings, and was about the life and adventures of a Victorian outback farmer and his son. Dave started out as a little boy, and grew into a big boy, and when he was about 18 he married Mable. The story goes like this. J...	Young Simmo	0	1106	11:02 PM Sep 14, 2015 by Young Simmo
	A conversation in HEAVEN (Preview) SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that m...	Young Simmo	0	861	10:58 PM Sep 14, 2015 by Young Simmo
	Russel Coit (Preview) http://www.unsealed4x4.com.au/issue015/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=10+Things+I+Learned+Crossing+The+Madigan+Line&utm_campaign=Unsealed+Issue+015+-+Send+003#181	Possum3	0	1038	05:52 PM Sep 14, 2015 by Possum3
	This trike runs on natural gas (Preview)	Woody n Sue	2	762	10:31 PM Sep 13, 2015 by aussie_paul
	caretaker position (Preview) Urgently required. Care taker for Flaggy Rock Community Centre Qld. Duties include ground keeping building and amenities cleaning, swimming pool maintenance and management of overnight self contained caravans. Pensioners and self funded people would be ideal. Own caravan is a must. First aid...	pidge	4	1127	09:02 PM Sep 13, 2015 by grahos
	Mexican Maid (Preview) The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about the request and decided to talk to her about it. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Maria replied " Well Senora, there are three reasons why a wanna increase, the first is that I iron...	Hendo	0	852	09:37 AM Sep 13, 2015 by Hendo
	Nomads??? (Preview) Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in a...	Magnarc	1	1007	10:25 PM Sep 12, 2015 by Aus-Kiwi
	Swearing at work (Preview)	Possum3	1	853	10:32 PM Sep 8, 2015 by dishlicker
	JOW - Lotto (Preview) At breakfast, the wife says to her husband "What would you do if I won Lotto?" "I'd take half and leave you" he replied. "Great" she says. "Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch".	Hendo	4	1435	06:17 PM Sep 8, 2015 by Felicia
	Blonde (Preview) A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.... The blonde came to the door an...	Possum3	0	879	09:29 AM Sep 7, 2015 by Possum3
	The golfer and the Leprechaun (Preview) The golfer and the Leprechaun A golfer in Ireland hooks his drive into the woods. Searching for his ball, he finds a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump on his head and golf ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving hi...	dING	0	899	06:19 PM Sep 5, 2015 by dING
	Paddy.... (Preview) A Muslim gentleman was sitting next to Paddy on an International Flight. Paddy ordered a single malt whiskey. The Stewardess asked the Muslim gentleman if he'd also like a drink? He replied in utter disgust, "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than ever let liquor touch my lips. Paddy promptl...	Goldfinger	1	866	07:00 PM Sep 4, 2015 by Blues Man
	Never assume anything....... (Preview) A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied... 'Well, strip d...	Magnarc	0	1047	08:18 AM Sep 4, 2015 by Magnarc
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