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A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
(Preview)
r A MESSAGE FROM THE THE QUEEN To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocati...
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Douglas Leigh
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3
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1327
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The practice lives on.
(Preview)
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he...
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Moorey
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1
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708
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One of my old Pa's favourites to tell us.....much to my Nan's chagrin.
(Preview)
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse..NOW!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin' wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "yes there is, now git out there NOW and fix it." So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, l...
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goldfinger
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5
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1024
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Murder.
(Preview)
Stop press......... A nude male dead body was found today in a Yorkshire park with a Weetbix stuck in his mouth. Police are looking for a cereal killer........... Daft aint it?
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Magnarc
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3
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1042
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The Priest and the Rabbi....
(Preview)
A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on a airplane. After a while the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The Rabbi responded "Yes, that is still one of our Laws." The Priest then asked, "Sooooo...
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goldfinger
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0
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700
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A few Zingers......
(Preview)
<Singing>.....When you're down by the sea, and an eel bites your knee....Thattt's a Moray. Pharmacist to customer: "Sir, please understand, to buy anti depressant tablets, you really need a proper prescription.... Simply showing me your Marriage Certificate and a photo of your wi...
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goldfinger
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0
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752
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THE EXAM
(Preview)
After my prostrate exam, the doctor left. < div> Then the nurse came in. As she shut the door, she whispered the three words that no man wants to hear: 'Who Was That?' < div> -- Edited by Douglas Leigh on Thursday 4th of February 2016 01:35:53 PM
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Douglas Leigh
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1
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769
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Poor Old Bill.....
(Preview)
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is absolutely furious....here she is in the middle of her election campaign...now this has happened to her! She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You bas***d! How c...
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goldfinger
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3
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1028
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WHY GOD MADE MUMS
(Preview)
Answers given by 2nd year school children to the following questions: Why did God make mothers?1. She's the only one who knows where the Sellotape is.2. Mostly to clean the house.3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers?1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of...
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aussie_paul
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2
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971
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I couldn't help but overhear two young blokes.........
(Preview)
I couldn't help but overhear two blokes in their mid twenties, while sitting at the local bar last night. One of the young Bucks says to his mate: Mannn you look real tired." His buddy says, Mannn am I exhausted...my girlfriend and I have sex all the time..she is sooooo demanding. She's after me...
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goldfinger
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0
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863
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A Job Interview for Hey Jimbo in Brisbane....
(Preview)
Hey Jimbo went to a Wickham Terrace Specialist in Brisbane, having seen an advert for a Gynaecologist Assistant. Now Jimbo knows full well that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate against the applicant's gender, and of course he was verrry interested, so he went in and asked the S...
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goldfinger
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0
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825
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..the three words no man ever wants to hear....
(Preview)
After my thorough Prostate Examination, the Doctor left. Then the nurse came in. As she shut the door, she whispered the three words that no man ever wants to hear: "Who was that?"....
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goldfinger
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2
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852
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Divorce
(Preview)
A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?""About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.""No," he said, "I mean what is the f...
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Yarra
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0
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852
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Do you have a goldfish?.....
(Preview)
Two Irish builders <Paddy and Shamus> are seated either side of a table in a rough pub in Belfast when a well dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the 'Suit'. Paddy: I reckon he's an Accountant. Shamus: No way- h...
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goldfinger
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1
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974
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My good deed
(Preview)
While strolling round the harbour this morning about 7am., I noticed a character shouting "Allah be praised" and "Death to all infidels" and suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn...
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Yarra
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4
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884
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Mechanical Problems
(Preview)
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kiwijims
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0
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857
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The Irish Moose Hunters....
(Preview)
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them around in Canada to hunt moose where they managed to bag six. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said he could only carry four moose. Paddy and Mick, the two hunters, objected strongly, "last year we shot six....tat pilot let us take dem' al...
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goldfinger
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0
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958
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Beware the Cougar
(Preview)
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and d...
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D and D
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0
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837
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Lawyers
(Preview)
...the prodigal son has returned from gold prospecting...... The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the City's most successful lawyer. So a volunteer paid a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even thoug...
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goldfinger
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1
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862
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The Silent Treatment...and a few of Life's facts...
(Preview)
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00AM for an important early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence <and LOSE>,...
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goldfinger
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0
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1078
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