Just Joking

Possum3 · Possum3

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order...

Magnarc · Magnarc

This fellow has sharp pains in his backside, after visiting numerous Doctors the situation is not getting better. He talks to his mate about it who suggests that the Chinese doctor in the High St has been known to cure many things that others have failed to do. He takes himself off to the Chinese doc and e...

Possum3 · Possum3

A Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse. "I want a female horth." He said to a dealer, who shows him a mare. "Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes. ... "Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf up and shows him her teeth. "Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot...

Possum3 · Possum3

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday." This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how...

Yarra · Yarra

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."My da...

Woody2 · Woody2

Car Keys They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realised he wa...

Possum3 · Possum3

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Possum3 · Possum3

Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his f...

Yarra · Yarra

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would ge...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu, Oysters, Lobster, Champagne...the whole nine yards. I asked her,........"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat a...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Possum3 · Possum3

The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and sa...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonscopy in Alabama. I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful Nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.. As I lay naked on my side on the examination table, this...

Yarra · Yarra

A 60 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. .... She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away..... A gentleman approached the lady and said ..... "Ma'am, .... I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"..... The lady replied, ....

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Love this Japanese Doctor! Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of...

Yarra · Yarra

Default A guy goes into the confessional box after yearsHe pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. Theres a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various wom...

Yarra · Yarra

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.Son: Okay I was watching Kung Fu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad. Mom: Haha, after...

Woody2 · Woody2

A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE GLOOM ! 'Viagra' is now available in tea bags. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

Magnarc · Magnarc

The new manager at the old folks home was outlining the new rules........ "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rul...

Aus-Kiwi · Aus-Kiwi

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Confused drunk. (Preview) Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order...	Possum3	1	972	07:11 PM Jan 27, 2017 by erad
	The Chinese doctor. (Preview) This fellow has sharp pains in his backside, after visiting numerous Doctors the situation is not getting better. He talks to his mate about it who suggests that the Chinese doctor in the High St has been known to cure many things that others have failed to do. He takes himself off to the Chinese doc and e...	Magnarc	7	1150	10:52 PM Jan 26, 2017 by jade46
	Checking a horse prior to purchase. (Preview) A Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse. "I want a female horth." He said to a dealer, who shows him a mare. "Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes. ... "Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf up and shows him her teeth. "Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot...	Possum3	2	1085	06:56 PM Jan 25, 2017 by Blues Man
	Ferrari pit crew (Preview) The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday." This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how...	Possum3	1	1166	07:43 PM Jan 24, 2017 by rockylizard
	The Will (Preview) Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."My da...	Yarra	1	1003	10:14 AM Jan 24, 2017 by Blues Man
	Car keys (Preview) Car Keys They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realised he wa...	Woody2	1	1120	05:53 PM Jan 23, 2017 by Felicia
	Lost Pen (Preview) .......................................................	Possum3	2	981	08:57 AM Jan 23, 2017 by Blues Man
	British Council Flats (Preview) Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his f...	Possum3	0	1005	02:46 PM Jan 22, 2017 by Possum3
	The fastest thing (Preview) An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would ge...	Yarra	0	893	02:37 PM Jan 22, 2017 by Yarra
	There are some things you just don't argue with....... (Preview) A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu, Oysters, Lobster, Champagne...the whole nine yards. I asked her,........"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat a...	Goldfinger	0	910	01:14 PM Jan 22, 2017 by Goldfinger
	Waiting at the Doctors... (Preview)	aussie_paul	2	1262	09:18 PM Jan 21, 2017 by grahos
	Fifi. (Preview) The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and sa...	Possum3	3	940	09:06 PM Jan 21, 2017 by grahos
	Sent by a Yankeeee mate of mine... (Preview) After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonscopy in Alabama. I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful Nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.. As I lay naked on my side on the examination table, this...	Goldfinger	4	1410	01:00 PM Jan 21, 2017 by Goldfinger
	The expensive hat! (Preview) A 60 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. .... She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away..... A gentleman approached the lady and said ..... "Ma'am, .... I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"..... The lady replied, ....	Yarra	0	996	09:14 AM Jan 20, 2017 by Yarra
	Japanese doctor on exercise (Preview) Love this Japanese Doctor! Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of...	Woody n Sue	1	1070	06:02 PM Jan 18, 2017 by Felicia
	A guy goes into the confessional box after years (Preview) Default A guy goes into the confessional box after yearsHe pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. Theres a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various wom...	Yarra	1	869	05:57 PM Jan 18, 2017 by Felicia
	A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie. (Preview) Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.Son: Okay I was watching Kung Fu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad. Mom: Haha, after...	Yarra	1	902	05:54 PM Jan 18, 2017 by Felicia
	Viagra (Preview) A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE GLOOM ! *'Viagra'* is now available in tea bags. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.	Woody2	1	987	02:04 PM Jan 18, 2017 by Peterpan
	Old folks home. (Preview) The new manager at the old folks home was outlining the new rules........ "*The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females.* *Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rul...*	Magnarc	0	920	08:19 AM Jan 17, 2017 by Magnarc
	Old fella still got it ! Lol (Preview)	Aus-Kiwi	1	1007	08:13 PM Jan 16, 2017 by Baggie
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