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Dog for sale. C&P from friend in Glasgow.
(Preview)
A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering fr...
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Possum3
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1
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1003
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Long stemmed roses.
(Preview)
Two old ladies were chatting over lunch. Before long their conversation turned to their husbands, and as usual there was plenty of complaining.One says to the other, So Harold brought a dozen long-stemmed roses home last night. You know what that means? Im going to spend all weekend with my legs in t...
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Possum3
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2
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1077
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Love dress
(Preview)
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm waiting fo...
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Woody2
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2
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1175
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Possession
(Preview)
Rules of Possession - For Toddlers (and my wife). 1. If I like it - It's mine. 2. If it's in my hand - It's mine. 3. If I can take it from you - It's mine. 4. I I had it a little while ago - It's mine. 5. If it is mine, it must never ever appear to be yours. 6. If it looks like mine - It's mine. 7. If I'm doing or building so...
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Possum3
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0
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1173
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A round of golf
(Preview)
A round of Golf Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.' 'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company...
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Woody2
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1
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983
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Never heard the gunshot
(Preview)
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments, she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband says... "Are you wear...
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Woody2
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1
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1002
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Blonds and Didneyland...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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1270
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Separate single beds can be soooo inconvenient!
(Preview)
....now I did not expect this!......Hoo Roo
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Goldfinger
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0
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1116
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I'm with the second horse here......
(Preview)
Quicky on horse Training?......Hoo Roo,
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Goldfinger
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1
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1237
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She's a far better Trader than he is......
(Preview)
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with baby boy in her arms entered his Butcher Shop, and confronted him with the news that the child was his, and what was he going to do about it..... With a grimace and smarmy grin that barely hid his obvious guilt, he offered to provi...
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Goldfinger
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0
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962
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Blonde
(Preview)
The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy. I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, Sally, I have some really great news!" I said, "Gr...
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Yarra
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1
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1029
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Drs Office protocol
(Preview)
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk...... The Re...
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Possum3
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1
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1070
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The Jackaroo
(Preview)
A jackaroo walks into the local pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it...
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rgren2
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1
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1215
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Jack & Jill
(Preview)
Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side and said, When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldnt possibl...
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Possum3
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0
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1090
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Bad news
(Preview)
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Co...
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Possum3
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0
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1000
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“Fred what?”
(Preview)
An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. Fred, the man replies.Fred what? the officer asks.Just Fred, the man responds.The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1037
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Visited by a Jehovah's witness
(Preview)
Saturday Morning, Weather was to bad to work outside, I was bored with nothing to do, Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, I opened it to find a well dressed young man standing there who said, Good morning Sir, "I'm a Jehovah's witness" Well I said, You had better come in and have a cup of Coffee, With t...
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kiwijims
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0
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1048
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Taxi conversation
(Preview)
We were dressed and ready to go out for a Dinner & Theatre that evening.
We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet budgie and put the cat in the backyard
We phoned the local Taxi company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to lea...
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dazz49
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1
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1125
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Justice
(Preview)
After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Ediths multi-million dollar home and, since the mans lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. He gave Edith, his now ex-wife, just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day...
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Possum3
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1
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1134
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Life With A Blonde Teen Ager
(Preview)
SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girls name is?Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.Lauren: Youre no fun, Dad. Forget it.Me: What is a vowel?Lauren: OK, O...
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Svowop
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0
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1006
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