|
Gardening mistake
(Preview)
Just my luck!! just to let you all know, I've been admitted to Hospital. I've just gone and poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion but it was a Daffodil Bulb. They said I'll be out sometime in the Spring. Woody
|
Woody n Sue
|
1
|
1125
|
|
|
|
|
Getting Older
(Preview)
Getting Older Well I must be getting older And I don't know who to blame All the words now have new meanings Though they still sound just the same. And I was so good at English Now I get the words all wrong when I put them in a sentence well they really don't belong. Now when a bloke was really...
|
Eagle
|
0
|
808
|
|
|
|
|
That sound
(Preview)
A man is driving down the road a breaks down near a monastery.He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound...
|
Yarra
|
11
|
1262
|
|
|
|
|
I understand this was before he drove to happy hour......
(Preview)
Sad and funny....liquormortis had already begun to set in....aptly the tune is 'Titanic'..lol....Hoo Roo Beer, Far, Wherever You Are
|
Goldfinger
|
1
|
1105
|
|
|
|
|
How Strange?.....How Poignant?.....
(Preview)
Many years ago a farmer couple gave birth to a son.... They named him "Odd"... When little Odd began going to school, all his classmates teased him because of his name. Odd finally graduated and got a factory job and all his co-workers invariably poked fun at his name. Odd eventually got married and li...
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
716
|
|
|
|
|
Back to school
(Preview)
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.Then the...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1026
|
|
|
|
|
Husband and Wife Golf
(Preview)
A married couple played golf together everyday.One day the man and his wife were on the first tee of their local course. He was on the white tee and she was waiting in front of him by the ladies tee.He teed off and caught the ball perfectly; unfortunately it hit his wife smack in the back of the head killing...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
801
|
|
|
|
|
Child birth
(Preview)
My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push. She gave it everything she had, until a fart, that from sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was mortified. "Don't worry," i said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn't th...
|
Woody n Sue
|
2
|
944
|
|
|
|
|
New men's fashion pants.
(Preview)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=RA1eBCiRTzk
|
rgren2
|
0
|
921
|
|
|
|
|
Cruise Ship
(Preview)
A 60 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. .... She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away..... A gentleman approached the lady and said ..... "Ma'am, .... I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"..... The lady replied, ....
|
Possum3
|
0
|
842
|
|
|
|
|
English French relations.
(Preview)
The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and sa...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
753
|
|
|
|
|
To be precise
(Preview)
A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she doesn't know that... On their nuptial night she cowers naked under the silken sheets, as her new husband undresses in the darkness.... He sprints to the bed and climbs in next to her,...and tries to be reassu...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
759
|
|
|
|
|
Definition
(Preview)
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Scottish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Scottish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Scottish cop's expense! Scotti...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
596
|
|
|
|
|
Ahhh the lure of Gold!...
(Preview)
|
Goldfinger
|
1
|
709
|
|
|
|
|
A trip to the barbers
(Preview)
A dad took his little girl to the barbers. While he sat in the chair having his hair cut, the little girl stood close to him, nibbling on a cake. The barber smiled at her and said, "You're going to get hair on your muffin." She replied, "I know. I'm going to get tits too."
|
Woody n Sue
|
0
|
652
|
|
|
|
|
HEALTH WARNING......
(Preview)
|
kiwijims
|
2
|
897
|
|
|
|
|
Must see it.
(Preview)
A woman takes her 18-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."... The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns t...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
916
|
|
|
|
|
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
(Preview)
Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea. I discovered this last night. I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all nig...
|
kiwijims
|
0
|
809
|
|
|
|
|
Consideration
(Preview)
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes more difficult for them to maintain the same standard of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to shout at them. Some are over-sensitive, and there's nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman. M...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
802
|
|
|
|
|
Extreme Protection...firing blanks...
(Preview)
Submitted I guess because I still can.....Hoo Roo
|
Goldfinger
|
6
|
1076
|
|
|
