|
The Duck
(Preview)
A Duck started to cross the road and a chicken said "Don't do it!" - you'll never hear the end of it.
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1444
|
|
|
|
|
Makes me proud.
(Preview)
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archa...
|
RustyD
|
1
|
804
|
|
|
|
|
Jewish Sunbathers*
(Preview)
A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach near Tel-Aviv. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation w...
|
67HR
|
1
|
1261
|
|
|
|
|
Daughters text to dad...
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
798
|
|
|
|
|
Old Blue
(Preview)
OLD BLUE We pensioned off old Blue the dog when old age got him down We sent him for company to old Grandma in the town But while Granny was elated Blue still craved the great out doors and he would roam the town exploring while old granny did the chores So it was this sunday morning Blue was fossicking...
|
Cupie
|
5
|
1696
|
|
|
|
|
A day at the races..
(Preview)
A Day At The Horse Races.... Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.The teacher assig...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
1122
|
|
|
|
|
Bigger than yours..
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
3
|
1080
|
|
|
|
|
Of course not!
(Preview)
An old couple is sitting on their couch, and the woman turns to her husband. If I died tomorrow, would you still want to get married again at your age? The husband shrugs. Well, I wouldnt want to be lonely so yes. The wife shoots him a dirty look. Would you live in our house with your new wife? Well, the house...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1198
|
|
|
|
|
Make it a double...
(Preview)
I lost my s*i*. Quite literallySo today's visit to a Tesco store where Daddy (maintenance) was showing his Fire Engine to the public. A pleasant experience for all. We dropped off his lunch had a go at being the neee nooor driver and returned to the car.When I got back to my car an oversized, too old to be a...
|
aussie_paul
|
7
|
1311
|
|
|
|
|
Dirty dishes
(Preview)
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Larry was concerned about the plates as it appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, Are you sure these plates are clean?Without looking up the old man said, I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water ca...
|
oldbloke
|
1
|
1167
|
|
|
|
|
Priest
(Preview)
An old priest lay dying in Woden's, Canberra Hospital. He had served the people near the nation's capital, at Manuka for many years.He motioned for the nurse to come near."Yes father?" said the nurse."I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I die" whispered the priest....
|
oldbloke
|
0
|
987
|
|
|
|
|
For the teachers....
(Preview)
For the teachers.... Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door."God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France.""Fred," said his father, "why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?""Because that's what I wrote in my geography tes...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
978
|
|
|
|
|
Careful.
(Preview)
During a funeral, the Pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the Lady inside was actually still alive. The Lady lives for another 10 years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service the Pallbearers are carrying...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
904
|
|
|
|
|
Tattooist
(Preview)
A bloke went to a Tattooist to get his wife's name tattoot on his little fellow , well he missed out , the tattooist said that he din't had a needle small enough.
|
Recoup
|
13
|
1643
|
|
|
|
|
Texan.
(Preview)
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and wit...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
983
|
|
|
|
|
How I Got Into Heaven..
(Preview)
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, Heavens getting pretty close to full today, and Ive been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So whats your story? So the firs...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1537
|
|
|
|
|
Divorce.
(Preview)
Dear Wife, Im writing you this letter to tell you that Im leaving you for good. Ive been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer. La...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1444
|
|
|
|
|
What'd say
(Preview)
A Police Officer pulled over an elderly couple driving down the freeway He walks up to the drivers side window and asks the husband for his license and registration. The wife, hard of hearing, asks what?! What did he say to you? The husband replies he wants my license! The officer asks him if he knew how f...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
969
|
|
|
|
|
I win.
(Preview)
A Police officer pulled me over. He said "Papers" I said "Scissors - I win" - and drove off. The blighter must want a re-match, he's been chasing me for 20 minutes.
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1231
|
|
|
|
|
The Toilet
(Preview)
There are important questions to be answered about recent LGBTI bathroom legislation and whether transgender people will be permitted to use a restroom of the gender that they "identify" with or be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.If the latter, will public restrooms be re...
|
RustyD
|
1
|
1107
|
|
|
