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The winning toast
(Preview)
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!He went home and told his wife, Mary "I won the prize for the Best Toast Of The Night".She said "Aye, did ye now. And what was your t...
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fwdoz
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0
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924
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Suspicious wife
(Preview)
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story "Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and...
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fwdoz
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0
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828
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Doctor and a Lawyer.
(Preview)
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer: What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advic...
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Possum3
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1
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867
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Scottish granny reading donkey
(Preview)
Omg. I hope it works. I was in tears.
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Lesley F
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4
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1104
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Did you see that?
(Preview)
A couple are out hiking when the man stops and asks: "Did you see that?". "No," the woman replies. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!" the man exclaims. A few minutes later the man stops again and asks: "Did you see that?". "See what?" the woman replies. "Are you blind? There was a big black bear w...
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Possum3
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0
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737
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Missing pils.
(Preview)
A teenager approached his grandmother nervously and asked her a question. Granny, have you seen a bottle of pills lying around? The label says LSD, he asked. The grandmother swung around quickly as the boy prepared to be scolded. To hell with the pills! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!
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Possum3
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3
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1041
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Age 104.
(Preview)
A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-old woman for her newspaper. So, what do you think is the best thing about being 104? the reporter asked. She shrugged with a smile and simply replied: No peer pressure.
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Possum3
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0
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991
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Swimming with dolphins...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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875
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Naked Wife
(Preview)
The wife came out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked and walked into the bedroom. She said to me "Babe, shut the curtains, I don't want the neighbours to see me naked." "Don't worry," I replied, "if the neighbours see you naked, they'll shut their own curtains!"
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fwdoz
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1
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1047
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Warranty.
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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948
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Darts
(Preview)
The other day I pinned a picture of my wife to the bull's eye of my dartboard and was trying to hit her in the face with a new set of top-flights I had just bought with our vacation money (what actually started the argument and hostility). Anyway, I just couldn't get it 100% on target, and as I was throwing, s...
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fwdoz
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1
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788
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Religious Sign
(Preview)
One day a cop driving down the street saw two ladies with a sign that read "Two girls for the price of one". He stops and tells them to get rid of the sign or he will run them in! They comply and he proceeds down the street only to pass a man with a sign that says Jesus Saves. The cop just waves as he passes and the g...
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fwdoz
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1
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735
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The Beaver
(Preview)
Johnny was playing outside when he had to go to the bathroom. He runs inside his house and his grandma was in the bathroom naked about to take a shower. He looks at her nether regions and says "What's that?" She says "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny". The next day the same thing happens, only his mum is taking t...
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fwdoz
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1
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865
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The bus hold up
(Preview)
One day on a bus, every passenger was female. There was a student, a waitress, a flight attendant, a hooker and a nun. Then a guy boarded the bus and declared a hold up. So everybody gave their money, jewelleries and other pricey belongings. But the robber wasn't content. He threatened "I will do each on...
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fwdoz
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1
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898
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The red light
(Preview)
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get throug...
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fwdoz
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1
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906
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Woodpeckers
(Preview)
This Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no proble...
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fwdoz
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1
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918
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Drunk and the Priests
(Preview)
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He looks at the first priest and says, Hey, Im Jesus Christ! The priest replies, No son, youre not. So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, Hey, Im Jesus Christ! To which the second priest replies, No son, youre not. Finally, the drunk ha...
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Possum3
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0
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733
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Out of the mouth of......
(Preview)
A group of school kids went on an excursion to the police station. The police officer pointed to the 10 Most Wanted list and told them that these were the most wanted criminals in the whole country. One student pointed to the photo of the man at the top of the list and said, He is the most wanted man in the ent...
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Possum3
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0
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809
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ATM machine
(Preview)
A man was standing behind an older couple at the ATM. He could see the man struggling with the buttons so he turned around and said something to his wife. All of a sudden the wife pushed the husband over. Shocked, the man rushed forward. What did you do that for? He asked the wife while helping the man up. Th...
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Possum3
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0
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837
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Delayed flight.
(Preview)
A plane was moving down the tarmac before it stopped abruptly, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off. "What was the problem?" a worried passenger asked the flight attendant. "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," the flight attendant re...
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Possum3
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0
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906
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