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Old Irish Jokes
(Preview)
There was a power failure in a Dublin Department Store last week and three hundred people were stranded on the escalators for more than two hours. OLeary, your glass is empty, will you be having another one? And what would I be doing with two empty glasses? OLeary replied. Young T...
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Cartoons
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Italian tomatoes.
(Preview)
An elderly Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeli...
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Possum3
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569
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Old Timers Bar
(Preview)
Four old guys are walking down a street. They turn a corner and see a sign that says:"OLD TIMERS BAR - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS".They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room "Come on in and let me pour one for you. What'l...
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fwdoz
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905
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How the Internet came about
(Preview)
HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE Please do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me! In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, larg...
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Dickodownunder
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558
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Camel joke for Possum3
(Preview)
The new Major arrives at the desert camp to greet his troops, "So you better show me around Private Jones" "Well, there's the three tents we sleep and eat in and that's about it" he says. "What's that sad looking camel doing over there?" said the Major The Private looked a bit sheepish and said " We use him...
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Senior Moments, Brain Farts.....quite funny dig at us Seniors.....
(Preview)
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Goldfinger
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536
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Train driver
(Preview)
John loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child and he never tired of making the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately though, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out alive, but a single passenger sadly died. Needless to say, he went to cou...
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Possum3
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568
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Birthday suprise.
(Preview)
A husband was trying to decide what to get his wife for her birthday. When the day came he had finally settled on the perfect present to show his appreciation for her. When she woke up he ordered her to stay in bed and relax. As she lay there, looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up...
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Possum3
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608
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Drunks.
(Preview)
I'm sick and tired of my friends that cannot handle their alcohol. Last night they dropped me three times, carrying me to the car.
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Possum3
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674
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Grandpa's.
(Preview)
A man visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, the grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. The man noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, Are these plates clean? His grandpa replied, Theyre as clean as cold water can get...
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Possum3
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511
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Penguin
(Preview)
A penguin was driving along the Victorian coast when he started having car troubles. He pulled in the nearest town and stopped outside an auto shop. He told the mechanic what was happening and could he have a look at it. The mechanic said he was busy at the minute and could he come back in half an hour. The p...
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536
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B17 Bomber
(Preview)
During WW2 the US introduced the Boeing B17 Bomber, a magnificent aeroplane with a crew of 11: Captain, Navigator, Flight engineer, Bombardier, Radio operator, Nose gunner, 2 X Waist gunners, Top turret gunner, Belly gunner, Tail gunner. The story goes that during the last days of the North Afri...
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Possum3
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585
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Church Notices
(Preview)
They're back! > > Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with > > typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually > > appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: > > The Fasting & Prayer Conference inclu...
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Johnny again.
(Preview)
The teacher asked the class to use Fascinate in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said "last weekend we went to Grandads farm and it was fascinating" The teacher said "That was good but I want the word fascinate not fascinating" Sally raised her hand and said "We went to Rock City and I was fascinated"...
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Possum3
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497
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Slow Painful Death
(Preview)
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death". He turned around and said "So, you want me to stay?"
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fwdoz
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544
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Mathematical Assistance
(Preview)
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical assistance. He called her into his office and said "You graduated university and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary...
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fwdoz
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512
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Favourite Pastime
(Preview)
For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to conduct a survey. He chose to find out peoples' favourite pastimes.The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people, so he started out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building near the university. He knocked on th...
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fwdoz
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507
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Johnny.
(Preview)
A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology course. The first day of class, she starts by saying, Everyone who thinks theyre stupid, stand up! After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, Do you think youre stupid, Johnny? No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by your...
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Possum3
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510
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A few old funnies
(Preview)
The Unreasonable Mother-in-law One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's when the fight started.... ____________...
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