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Today' shards of wisdom…
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* If my body is found on or near a 'jogging trail', be rest assured that I was murdered somewhere else and dumped there. * Respect your elders; they graduated from school without benefit of the Internet. * I've decided I'm NOT old; I'm 25 plus shipping and handling. * Why do I have to 'Press 1 for Engli...
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Possum3
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0
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691
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Lady's yearly exam.
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aussie_paul
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0
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937
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3 X Lawyer.
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An airliner was having engine trouble and, after a few worrying moments of turbulence, the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. Al...
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Possum3
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0
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787
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Some gags to kick off your weekend
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fwdoz
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0
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873
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Old lady and her mule.
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AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OL...
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Possum3
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1
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895
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Kiwi Genie
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A young kiwi bro was walking along one of the North Islands sandy beaches with his surf board. He suddenly spots this bottle which has recently washed up on the beach. It's obvious it's been tossed around for a long time. He picks up the bottle and notices that it still has the cork intact. So, being curio...
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oldbloke
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1
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927
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More golf
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I was playing golf one day and i got lost. I saw a young lady playing up ahead of me and went over to her and said "Can you please help me, i don"t know what hole i"m on". She told me "You are one hole behind me, i"m on 7; and you are on 6".I thanked her and carried on playing golf. On the back nine i got lost again. I s...
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Possum3
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0
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912
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Spaghetti.
(Preview)
Paddy met a beautiful Italian lady in Murphys bar. He offered her a drink and over the course of the night, he charmed her with funny Irish stories and songs. ...Shed never had a night like it before and decided to invite him back to her place. They had a passionate affair all that summer. One night, she co...
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Possum3
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0
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750
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Care- three hillbillies
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Craig1
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0
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752
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Diagnostic
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One day, at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind o...f money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Aldi. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong an...
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Possum3
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0
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987
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Bubba's dead.
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Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary. The three men had always done everything together!!!!! Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, Yup, h...
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Possum3
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0
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1031
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Scammers
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If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully. Be careful what you purchase on eBay. A friend has just spent $100 on a penis enlarger. Bastards sent him a magnifying glass. The only instructions said, "Do not use in the sunlight.
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Bobdown
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783
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Hey !!!!Possum
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Were you ever a comedy script writer for say Mr.Bob Hope. Anyway ... Thank you for all the great jokes that you post. Enjoy each and every one. I am guessing that when I post a joke, that somewhere back along the track you may already have posted same. Thanks again Jay&Dee
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JayDee
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1
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917
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Peace at last.
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The Israelis and Arabs realised that if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world, so they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice. A duel of two, like David and Goliath, in the form of a dog fight. The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years...
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Possum3
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2
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1018
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Heavenly milk
(Preview)
. Now, There's One Way to Make Someone Feel Better...The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Rememb...
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JayDee
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0
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825
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smart old bird.
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An old classic worth revisiting...... A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed...They couldn't do it while he waited: so, as he didn't live far, he said he would just walk home.On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He the...
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JayDee
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0
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725
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Gas meter.
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Two natural gas company workers a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as the...
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Possum3
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0
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804
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Anniversary.
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A man comes down for breakfast one morning to find that his wife has cooked his favourite meal. As they sit down and begin eating, he says nothing. When his wife couldn't stand the silence any longer she blurts out, "Don't you know what today is?" Again he says nothing. Being beside herself, she spoke ra...
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Possum3
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0
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848
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Bird calls
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Bobdown
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1
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1103
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Park bench love
(Preview)
Keep your eye out........
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Bobdown
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1
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793
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