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The Plotnick Diamond.
(Preview)
A lady was sitting near a woman who was wearing a magnificent diamond pendant. At dinner, a lady turns to the woman next to her and says: My, thats a beautiful diamond youre wearing. In fact, I think its the most beautiful diamond I have ever seen! Thank you, replies Judy. This is the Plotnick Diamond. T...
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Possum3
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0
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663
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Rules of Possession.
(Preview)
For toddlers (and wives). 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it is in my hands, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it looks like mine, it's mine. 6. If I am doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. 7. If I saw it first, it's mine. 8. If it is...
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Possum3
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0
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594
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A teacher noticed.....
(Preview)
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on.He was quite embarrassed but whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.The teacher told him t...
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aussie_paul
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0
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578
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manyana
(Preview)
maybe THE MEANING OF MANYANASpanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond.He used the word "manyana". Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.He said that the term means: "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; maybe the next day; maybe the day after that; or p...
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Craig1
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3
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672
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The Duck
(Preview)
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer...
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Possum3
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0
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529
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Pub.
(Preview)
A bloke walks into a Pub. Lucky Bugger.
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Possum3
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2
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861
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Gold Medal Battle
(Preview)
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. It ties you up in knots...
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fwdoz
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2
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738
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Cute
(Preview)
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Bobdown
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0
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688
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Star Wars Toys
(Preview)
Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves. Apparently they are a choking hazard.
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fwdoz
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0
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543
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Car Navigation
(Preview)
When we're driving somewhere, the wife always moans about the route I take and always points out to me which way I should have gone, especially if we get stuck in traffic. She's my SatNag.
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fwdoz
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0
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503
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Paddy.
(Preview)
Paddy and Murphy swap sandwiches at lunch, Murphy has one bite and spits it out and says "what the feck was that". "Crab paste" Paddy answered. "Where did you get that?" Murphy asks. Paddy replies, "Saw it when I was at the Chemist".
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Possum3
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0
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690
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Jeeps.
(Preview)
A Texan walked into an outback Aussie pub and loudly proclaimed Back home my ranch is so big it takes me all day to drive from one boundary to the opposite boundary. An old bloke at the end of the bar said Yeah mate I had a Jeep like that once.
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Possum3
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0
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609
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The Helicopter.
(Preview)
Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,... And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, and Ken said, 'Edna, I'm 75 y...
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Possum3
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0
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644
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How much?
(Preview)
A ship engine failed and no one could fix it. Then they brought in a chap with 40 yrs. on the job. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. After looking things over, the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into li...
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Possum3
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0
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584
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What causes arthritis?
(Preview)
A man smelling of booze and cigarettes sat down on a subway next to a priest. His tie was stained, there was red lipstick on his collar and face and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest...
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Possum3
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0
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487
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Little Jimmy
(Preview)
Jimmys English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Jimmy handed in a poor paper. This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read, ranted the teacher. It has too many mistakes. I cant underst...
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Possum3
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0
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484
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No clothes?
(Preview)
Its just too hot to wear clothes today, Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this? Probably that I married you for your money, she replied.
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Possum3
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0
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522
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The Optimist
(Preview)
What did the optimist say when he jumped off a ten storey building? So far, so good!
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Collo
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0
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531
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TRumpy again
(Preview)
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Craig1
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0
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466
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MAJOR SEX FIASCO?!
(Preview)
A crusty old Army Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.... There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something botherin...
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Possum3
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0
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526
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