If men wrote for Cosmopolitan

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that
there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best
thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring
you closer together. Why not get some of your old college
roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you
should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still
not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice
meal while you think about it.


Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow
to your skin. interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow
you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he
loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it
twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.


Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be
encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess
with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great
stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home.
Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the
man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the
house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he
returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets
home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him.
Then cook him a nice meal.


Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must
mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to
help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and
present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your
selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious
meal.


Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek
sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and
time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand
with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you
do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have
to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps
you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and
cooking him a nice meal.


Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to
sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've
forgotten to cook him a nice meal.