What do you mean? said the Pirate, I feel fine.

What about the wooden leg? You didnt have that before.

Arr, well, said the Pirate, We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but Im fine now.

The bartender replied, Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?...

The pirate explained, We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook, but Im fine, really.

What about that eye patch?

Arrrr, well said the pirate, One day we were at sea, and a flock of a big fat Albatross flew over. As I looked up, the bastard thing only went and shat in me eye didn't it, Arrrr!

You're kidding, said the bartender. You couldn't lose an eye just from bird ****

Arr, bejasus lad it was me first day with this feckin hook!