I don't want to brag about my finances or anythingbut my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me that my balance is outstanding.

Ive just finished installing a high voltage fence around my house.

The neighbours are dead against it.

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a persons walk, and the result was staggering.

The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country. I think they're in de Nile.

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81?

He said Nein.

Not sure if my wife knows any geography.

But Alaska.

It's been months since I ordered the book "How to Scam People Online". It still hasn't arrived yet.

I'm making a fortune selling home security systems door to door. If the people aren't home I just leave a brochure on their kitchen table.

I went to the paint shop this morning to get thinner.

It didn't work.

I just bought a 51% share in a vampire hunting business.

I'm the main stakeholder

Someone posted that they had just made synonym buns. I replied, "You mean just like the ones that grammar used to make?"