A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a
Xmas fancy  dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden
leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his 
problem.  A  few days later he receives a parcel with a
note:

Dear  Sir,
Please find enclosed a  Pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate.

The  man is offended that the outfit  emphasizes his disability, so he
writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he
receives another parcel and note

Dear  Sir,
Sorry about the previous  parcel. Please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will really look the part. 

The  man
is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head.  So he writes a really strong
letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small
parcel  from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear  Sir,
Please find enclosed a  tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of  Golden Syrup over your bald
head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse
and go as a toffee apple.