at least 12

1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.

2 - In Style are the clothes that still fit.

3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.

6 - On time is when you get there.

7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.

8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

10 - Growing old should have taken longer.

11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.

12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.

. . . And one more:

One for the road means peeing before you leave the house!