Now they drink like their fathers.

I didnt make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the

Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment.

Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."

I dont have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"!   Im just very wise.

If I was supposed to touch my toes, they wouldve been on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We havent met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when youre just going to

transfer me to someone I can't hear anyway?

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age, getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering

what I came in there for

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager):

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later:  

I dont have to go to school or work.

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad.

I dont have a curfew.

I have a drivers license and my own car.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.

And I dont have acne.

Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now

I cant remember their names.

Now, Im wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

It doesn't really matter, I just thought you'd enjoy it.