Next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say "now you're super angry!"

She may laugh... She may destroy you.....

Why don't women need to wear a watch?

Because there is a clock on the stove.

What gets easier to pick up the heavier it becomes?

A woman.

Why does a woman wear white at her wedding?

The dishwasher should always match the stove and fridge.

Why do husbands usually die before their wives?

Because they want to!

Cop: "Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted."
Woman: "Why didn't you mention this to me when I was getting undressed?
Cop: "Well, because that is permitted."

Is google a man or a woman?

A woman of course, because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a recommendation.

A passenger plane is flying through the air when it loses all engines. Before the plane crashes a woman traveller stands up and screams out "I want to die feeling like I am a woman!!"

She proceeds to rip off all her clothes and says "Is there anyone man enough on this plane to make me feel like a woman?"

A bloke in the back stands up, rips off his shirt and says "iron this!".

A lady had been taking golf lessons and was playing her very first round of golf when she was unfortunately stung by a bee. She was in agony and decided to head back to the clubhouse to get some medical help.

Her golf instructor saw her heading back and asked "you were only out there ten minutes, why are you back so soon? what is the matter?"

The lady replied "A bee stung me!"

The instructor asked "Where abouts?"

The lady replied "Between the first and the second hole".

The instructor knowingly nods his head and replies "Your stance is a little too wide".

What is 6 inches wide, 2 inches wide and drives women absolutely crazy?

Money.

I hate it when guys say that a women belongs in the kitchen. How on earth is she going to clean the rest of the house from there.

I would say "get back in the kitchen", but I'm not going to because all the best chefs in this world are men too.

Why did god give women such small feet?

It makes it easier for them to stand closer to the kitchen bench.

Would you like to hear a joke?

Women's rights

How did doctors come up with the medical term "PMS"?

"Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

A man is being arrested by a woman police officer, she says to him, "Anything that you say can and will be held against you."

The man then replies, "Boobs please!"

What is the useless skin around the outside of the vagina called?

The woman

Tinder is for rookies! 

Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It will show you recently divorced females.

From there you can filter by size.

If a tree falls on a woman and she is all alone so nobody can hear her complain, does she still make a sound?

A better question is, why on earth is there a tree growing in the kitchen.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, feminists are unable to change anything.

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because women don't have any rights.

Why don't women need a drivers licence?

There is no road from the bedroom to the kitchen.