I've always wondered if chickens communicated using foul language. Maybe only when they're egg cited.

 An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I didnt think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.

 I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.

 Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. Its a case of in one ear and out the udder.

 I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.

 My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

 My wife claims Im the cheapest person shes ever met. Im not buying it.

 Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16. The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

 I told my carpenter I didnt want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.

 What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.