Tony, it is unfortunate; That you, I, perhaps many others suffer from your observation but; my observance around the land is that most old codgers tend to be on the skinny side despite them guzzelling meat pies at every bakery - BBQ red meat every night - quaffing copious amounts of amber fluids. Additionally they seem to travel with pastry chef Missuses that can throw out a roast lamb and scones within three minutes of pitching camp.
The above being the case, I believe you will have to withdraw your proposed draft of the "Law".