Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,
from the local Costco.

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

5. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

6. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

7. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

8. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

9. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'