Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!" 
Paddy handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!" 


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Paddy calls Easy-jet to book a flight. 
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"



------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on". 



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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says 
"You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"

------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!


------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she was taller than that !"


------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!" 
) 
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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London