Joe says to Paddy : "Close your curtains ta next time ya makin love to your wife Paddy

the whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

Paddy says: "Well ta jokes on them cos I wasn't even at home yesterday."....

Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of his tractor.

Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?"

Paddy says, "Well me and Mary havn't been getting on in ta bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor".......

Paddy says to Mick- I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm goin ta do it a bit different.

3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant,

2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant,

Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant again didn't she"...

 Mick asks- So what are you goin to do this year?"

Paddy replies, - I'm taking her blooody with me!"....

A coach load of Paddies were on a mystery tour and decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going......

the driver won $146.00!

Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him,

"Do you want the winner of the next race Paddy?"

Paddy replies " No tanks,oi've only got a very small yard....

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"

Mick says "So let's hope it not on the 13th"......

Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him.

"Did you find the shampoo Paddy"?

Paddy says, "Oi did, but it says its for dry hair and I've just wet moine".....

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it.

He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."

The operator asks, "is it ticken?"

Paddy says,"Noo I tink its beef!".....

The neighbours gathered round the deceased Murphy. "he looks so tanned," said one

"The holiday must have done him the world of good."..."and he looks so calm and serene." said another.

Tat's cos he died in his sleep and doesn't know he's dead. said the widow Murphy.

but when he wakes up I'm sure the shock will nearly kill him."

"And where's he being buried?"

"St Patrick's"

"Oh so am I if the Good Lord spares me."

..another said if my good husband was alive next Friday he'd be dead a year.

Murphy said "Where's my fork and knife?"

O'Reilly said "It's in the fork n' drawer."

Irish logic: "I'm thin, and Murphy's thin, but O'Reilly is thinner than both of us put together".....

Murphy just hates daylight saving. He gets his morning erection on the 8.30 train to his Office.....

Hoo Roo