A senior citizen drove his brand new Holden Senator out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 120 kph, enjoying the power of the car .

Amazing, he thought as he flew down the F3, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a highway patrol car, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 140 kph, then 180kph, then suddenly he thought, What am I doing? Im too old for this! and pulled over to await the coppers arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the copper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the car. He looked at his watch, then said, Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding a reason Ive never before heard Ill let you go..

The old gentleman paused then said, Three years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.

Have a good day, Sir, replied the copper.

 The owner of a golf course on the Gold Coast was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, You graduated from the University of Queensland and I need some help. If I was to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, Everything but my earrings.

 A senior citizen in Tasmania was overheard saying, When the end of the world comes, I hope to be here.

When asked why, he replied, Id rather be in Tasmania cause everything happens in Tasmania 20 years later than in the rest of the world.

 The young man from NT came running into the store and said to his mate, Johnno, somebody just stole your Ute from the parking lot!

Johnno replied, Did ya see who it was?

The young man answered, I couldnt tell, but I got the license number.

 A man in SA had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to bear his buttocks behind the car at passing motorists.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, I got a flat tire.

The passerby asked, But whats with the exposed bum?

The man responded, When you break down in SA they tell you to bear your bum as people be happy to service you. I never did understand it neither.

A WA highway patrol pulled over a car on the main road. The copper asked, Got any ID?

The driver replied, about what?

The copper pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his Ute into the ditch. The copper asked, Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Dont you see that sign right over your head.

Yep, he replied. Thats why Im dumping it here, cause it says: Fine For Dumping Garbage.