RuralAustralian ComputerTerminology
A  little  bit of Aussie  Kulcha..... 
LOGON:                           Adding wood to make thebarbie hotter.
LOG OFF:                         Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR:                       Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD:                Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE:                 Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD:                     Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOW:                          What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN:                           What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE:                                What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE:                   What Townsville mozzies do..
CHIP:                                 A bar snack.
MICROCHIP:                 What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM:                         What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP:                         Where the cat sleeps..
SOFTWARE:                    Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE:                 Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE:                           The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME:                 What holds the shed up.
WEB:                                 What spiders make.
WEBSITE:                       Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE:       What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR:                       What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO:                            What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE:                    A steep hill.
SERVER:                       The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER:             The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter-lunch.
USER:                               The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK:                   What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
 INTERNET:                   Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE:                  What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE:                       Where you hang the washing.  
OFFLINE:                      Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough