I'm not sayinglet's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just sayinglet's remove all the warning labels and let the problemwork itself out.

 
I changed my car hornto gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much fasternow !

 
You can tell a lot abouta woman's mood just by her hands. If she is holding agun, she's probably angry.

 
Gone are the dayswhen girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drinklike their fathers.

 
You know that tinglylittle feeling you get when you really like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.

 
I don't likemaking plans for the day because then the word"premeditated" gets thrown around in thecourtroom.

 
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makesfive years in a row.

 
I decided to changecalling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feelso much better saying I went to the Jim thismorning.

 
Dear paranoid peoplewho check behind shower curtains for murderers, if you findone, what's your plan ?