There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!

> The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a

> surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father

> was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm

> off now. The man should be here soon.'

> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer

> happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,

> Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

> 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been

> expecting you.'

> 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you

> know babies are my specialty?'

> 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have

> a seat !.

> After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

> 'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the

> couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room

> floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

> 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry

> and me!'

> 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if

> we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven

> angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

> 'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

> 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be

> In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

> 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of

> his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

> 'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

> 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider

> their mother was so difficult to work with..'

> 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

> 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the

> job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get

> a good look'

> 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

> 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.

> The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly

> concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

> Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,

> uh...equipment?'

> 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod

> and we can get to work right away..'

> 'Tripod?'

> 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much

> too big to be held in the hand very long.'

> Mrs. Smith fainted