A British father goes into his daughters bedroom and sees a letter addressed to Mum and Dad on the bed. With a heavy heart he opens it and reads:

Dear Mum & Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that Im telling you that Ive eloped with my new boyfriend. Ive found real love and he is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos and his stolen Harley.

But its not only that, Im pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his caravan in Epping Forest. He wants to have many more children with me and thats one of my dreams too.

Ive learned that marijuana does not hurt anyone and well be growing it for us and Ahmeds friends. Theyre the ones providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever want.

In the meantime well pray for science to find a cure for AIDS, so Ahmed can get better. He deserves it.

Dont worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn £200 per scene. I get a £200 bonus if there are more than three men in the scene and an extra £100 for the alsatian.

Dont worry Mum. Now Im 14 I know how to take care of myself. Someday well visit you and Dad so that you can meet your grandchildren.

Dad, found the cash you were hiding from mum, but don't worry we left you a few quid.

Your loving daughter,

Angelina.

P.S. Dad. Please, calm down. Its not true. Im actually watching TV at the neighbours. I just wanted to show you that there really are worse things in life than England losing the Ashes.