True story reported by an English guy who was stopped and asked to give a breathalyser test.

The English guy lives near Le Bugue in the Dordogne and at the time he was stopped he was as pis*Ed as a fart...

The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window then asks him if he has been drinking, and with a slurring speech the English guy replies;  'Yes, this morning I was at my (hic)..daughter's wedding, and as I don't like church much I went to the cafe opposite and had several beers.'
'Then during the wedding banquet I seem to remember downing three great bottles of wine; (hic)... a corbieres, a Minervois and (hic)...a Faugeres.'
'Then to finish off during the celebrations.... and (hic) during the evening ...me and my mate downed two bottles of Johnny Walker's black label.'

Getting impatient the gendarme warns him; 'Do you understand I'm a policeman and have stopped you for an alcohol test'?

The Englishman with a grin on his face replies; 'Do you understand that I'm English, like my car, and that my wife is sitting in the other seat, at the steering wheel?'