John Clarke & Bryan Dawes.

[Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN]

John:     Morning! Looking for a new car? 

Bryan:     Nope. New Prime Minister, actually. 

John:     You're the third one this morning. Anything in mind? 

Bryan:     You know...... nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B. 

John:     You mean like a Howard? 

Bryan:     Yeah...a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles. 

John:     So.... you used to have one? 

Bryan:     Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model - don't know why I got rid of him -- biggest mistake I've ever made. 

John:     What happened? 

Bryan:     Traded him in for a Kevin 07. 

John:     Big mistake. 

Bryan:     Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage. 

John:     How was the Kevin 07? 

Bryan:     Came with a $900 factory rebate - that was good. 

John:     Anything else? 

Bryan:     Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon. 

John:     Didn't stick around for long did it? 

Bryan:     Nah - had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again. 

John:     What was the problem? 

Bryan:     Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way. 

John:     Whatcha got now? 

Bryan:     It's a Gillard-Brown. 

John:     The hybrid? 

Bryan:     Yeah. The Eco-drive system - not a good idea. An engine that can't deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse. 

John:     Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason - that's the one? 

Bryan:     The Fustercluck model. 

John:     The only one they made, Bryan . Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery - but did they finish up fixing the navigation system? 

Bryan:     Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere.

John:     So that's why you're here? 

Bryan:     That's right. I'm stuck with a car that's wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don't suppose you've heard of the "Cash for Clunkers" scheme? 

John:     Join the queue brother.