Maybe it might be an option for your friends to stay with you until it's time for you to leave. It makes me really cross though that you have to think of these sorts pf precautionary options just because of one idiot's silliness. Good luck and remember you are in the right.

Happywanderer wrote:

---

Only problem is CG, he has turned his phone off.
When he text me today to say they had gone. I text back Are you alright. He text back I'm far from alright. Don't try to ring me I'm turning my phone off for a few days. Its a big worry.

---

 Does he have any friends nearby Marj? To give him some support until you get there?

Happywanderer wrote:

---

No one Beth. He moved up there to be with his kids and their mother. He wouldn't listen to anyone down here.

---

 Yep, understand. My daughter makes bad choices all the time.

Oh that's good Marj...on both counts.

Sad that you can't take your time and smell the roses along the way, but you'll have time for that later. More important to be there for him.

 

 

You take care Marj and look after number one first. Your son might be going through a temporary shut down phase, you know him best but it's so important to make sure you are ok in yourself. We are all thinking of you.

It's natrual that he would be sad on the day she moves outs with his children..... totally normal.

Yes, he may be depressed, that's normal too.

The thing is, he is an adult man, and is responsible for himself, and he will work it out- with support.

You, Marj, are his mum, but you can't protect him from this.

You can support him and worry about him, but you are not his protector or saviour.

He is a big boy, and you are doing more for him than a lot of other parents would do.

He will manage until you get there, and you should at least go in your own good time, at your own pace.

......and now I'll mind my own business.

Jack Mac wrote:

---

Hi HW,

I feel for you in your current situation. Relationship breakdowns can be a very stressful time for all concerned. As with many, been there done that.  Sometimes I feel that things like shutting off contact are a cry for help, in that they almost want the other parties to think the worst case scenario (Jeez I hate that word but it seems to fit).  It is not always being selfish but the way an upset mind can work. The mind is a complex thing and it can sometimes work (especially when confused) in strange and irrational ways. i.e. if I look like I'm going to do the worst perhaps word will get to my partner and she will reconsider.

I know there are many conflicting views on this and I am not trying to add further to your troubles or play amateur psychologist.

It is good to know that there is someone you can contact who can keep an eye out.

Having said that I only live about 60klm away from Biggenden (I believe that is where he is) and if you would like to PM me I would be happy to go and have a chat with him (and I don't mean to interfere) if you would like.

Cheers and chin up,

Jack

---

 Well said Jack.

You got it Rip and Rosie. He's not a child.
I wish someone would run to my aid when I'm depressed. In fact I wish I had some support ... full stop!
I have friends but I would never inflict myself on anyone else when I'm in the doldrums. No one ever knows when I'm down there.
I once made the mistake of having an anxiety attack or whatever at my daughter's house. I got told I was f'd in the head, and I should get my sh!t together! I was helping her out while she didn't have a drivers licence at the time.
We haven't spoken since. She hasn't apologised, and I haven't felt the need to speak to her.

CG

I'm sorry you feel that way and that you don't have the emotional support that we all at times need, no matter how old we are. Most of us are able to cope, but the burden can often be less when we know we have support, however tacit it may be.

My parents died (and they were my rock and kept me centred )many years ago but I have the great support of my adult children.  When I haven't been feeling the best they have always rung me, sent small gifts, kept in regular contact and even sent me little inspirational books that one daughter publishes.  Families are a two way street. I find that what you give comes back tenfold.   Then again I am a very lucky man with my daughters

I agree he is not a child but, HW, but he is your child and no matter how old he is you will always feel and know that and be there to support him.  Parenting doesn't stop when the children turn 21.

Gotta agree with Beth here guys. There is more than just depression 'cause she left and took the kids involved here. Don't think some of you know what is really going on here.

Re-read Marjs' last post, and think how you'd feel in the same situation.

Good on you Jack Mac.  I'm not close enough.   I can't be away from here long enough to even go down for one day.

We're thinking of you both Marj.

Cheers,

Sheba.

 

Thanks for all your positive feedback on my comments.  I am often loathe to comment on some topics, but this is something I feel quite strongly about. Mental health is not about suck it up and be a man or woman as the case may be. A great proportion os us were brought up that way, which wasn't wrong, we were a product of our times.  It is not a matter of how strong or independent you are, we all need support at times, it just that most of us don't know how to ask. Again a product of our times.  Most of us are lucky to have loving and caring family and friends. For those that don't, this forum provides an outlet. You may not wish to air your concerns in public but I'm sure most of us have met someone on  the forum (even though not necessarilly personally) in whom they can confide and know that it will be confidential and supportive.

One thing I have seen on this forum, although we all have differing opinions on a range of subjects the majority of people are compassionate, caring and supportive.

Do what you feel is right and trust your instincts. You really wont know what to expect but you will as soon as you see him.

There is also many types of love. There is the soft sweet love that comforts and consoles and then there is the tuff love. The one that you have to learn and is required in this life we live. This is the love where you not only support the ones you love but lead them to a live where they can not only survive but return the love that you have expended. By this I mean sometimes you have to trust your senses and deny something or push towards a recovery. This may be not doing something he wants as YOU consider it not in HIS interests or even YOURS. Bit like stopping a child walking across the road because there is a bus coming. He wants to cross because something he wants is on the other side but you know he will be hit by the bus.

Once you get there follow you instincts but don't push your self getting there as you need to be alive to help him and also you will need a lot of strength as well. Perhaps a nice relaxing day in a good rest stop for 24 hrs BEFORE you arrive would also help.

We are all here so feel free to ask for a chat whenever you require and bounce any ideas of here if you seek advise or help.

Regards
Brian

sorry. did it twice.

-- Edited by the rocket on Monday 26th of March 2012 04:49:16 PM

jonathan wrote:

---

.. and I agree with you Pauline .. !

While there  is so much advice here, it simply boils down to her own personal circumstances .. which will always be different to yours and mine.

.. and I support her in her decision !

Jon

---

 Ditto!