A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship

and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate

my 80th birthday and it's today.'
The bartender says

'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.

In fact, this one is on me.'

As the woman finishes her drink

the woman to her right says

'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says

'Thank you.

Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink,

the man to her left says

'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The old woman says

'Thank you.

Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink,he says

'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies

'Sonny, when you're my age,

you've learned how to hold your liquor...

Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your sweetie says

'Let's go upstairs and make love'

and you answer:

'Pick one, I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes
And you're barefoot!

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy ...
And your pacemaker opens the garage door!

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes

... Just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down

by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN..

'Getting a little action'
Means you don't need to take any fibre today

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
... In the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
To use the bathroom.