The Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
Its the hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy!! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.
PM: Shut !! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. W' ill be ruined.
Hilth Munister: We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain?
PM: No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one.
Hilth Munister: What about Australia ?
PM: I'll call Joolia Gillard. Tell her we need one million condoms, ten enches long and eight enches thuck.
That way they'll continue to respect the "all blacks".
Three days later a delighted PM rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office.
He finds one million condoms. 10 enches long, 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM
Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie, Oi Oi Oi.
__________________
Be your self; there's no body better qualified ! "I came into this world with nothing , I still have most of it"
Oh its kick a Kiwi day is it - I'm in for a go (I really like Kiwis)
A Kiwi walks into the local unemployment office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I hate being on welfare, I'd really rather have a job."
The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The Kiwi says, "You're bullshuttting me!"
The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".
__________________
Goinsoon
I dont suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
The Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
Its the hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy!! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.
PM: Shut !! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. W' ill be ruined.
Hilth Munister: We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain?
PM: No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one.
Hilth Munister: What about Australia ?
PM: I'll call Joolia Gillard. Tell her we need one million condoms, ten enches long and eight enches thuck.
That way they'll continue to respect the "all blacks".
Three days later a delighted PM rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office.
He finds one million condoms. 10 enches long, 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
Just thought I would share this one with you before I go. Cheers, Tony Ps my Wife has gone up to Albury for a few days so I am pretty safe.
How to Start a Fight
When our lawn mower broke and wouldnt run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
__________________
After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of fatal irreversibility)
